Day Twenty-Six: My Story

I've given you stories about each of my kids. I told you Louie's story of faith and I even told you of our romance. But I have yet to tell you my story. The story of how I was found by Jesus. I don't know why I've waited until almost the end of my thirty day commitment. Maybe it's because I began these posts with so many confessions. I wanted a break from self-humiliation. :) Not that chasing Jesus is humiliating. But there is a lot of confession involved in following Him and my flesh (that is my old nature-2 Cor 5:17) fights against humbling myself.

That is one of the reasons I confess in the first place. I fight my pride with confession. Confession reminds me that there is nothing I can do to save myself. Confession reminds me that I need Him everyday. Apart from Him I would be a desperate, hopeless woman. In Him I am His child. In Him I have joy. Confession leads me to the hope that comes only from Him.

Another reason I have waited to tell you my story is because it's not as exciting as Louie's story. It is just as glorious because the endings are the same. We are both rescued by Jesus. But Louie's story fits better in Hollywood. :) My story is kind of boring. Ha! Hang in there. Jesus saves me. It's the best part.

I came to Jesus when I was seven years old. At seven years old I didn't have much to confess, but I knew I needed Jesus. I knew that I sinned. I was overcome by my need to be saved from this world. I knew there was another world...another kingdom and I wanted to belong to Jesus' kingdom.  I was baptized. I loved Jesus so much and I learned much about Him growing up.

I began to live for myself in college. Living for yourself is such a dead-end life. I saw many friends destroy their lives during those years...or begin to destroy their lives. Some of them are still trying to put themselves back together after wrong choices in college. This is the time I also began the "boy crazy" years. There began to be some major character issues that needed to be cleaned up. Thank you Jesus, He is in the business of cleaning us up.

I've already told you the story of the boy crazy years, but I haven't told you about other things that Jesus kept bringing up in my life. After I moved to LA, Jesus convicted me of deceit. I kept reading verse after verse in Proverbs about lying (Prov 6:17, 12:19&22, 17:7, 21:6, 26:28). Jesus made it clear that I needed to stop all deceit in my life. Deceit had become so easy it was unnoticed. I would answer people by whatever answer would lead to the least conflict. Instead of answering truthfully, I would lie. For example, "You're not a religious person, are you?" I would answer, "No, of course not." That's the answer they wanted, so I would give it to them. Or I would lie by making up excuses for things I didn't want to do. For example, "I can't stay after school for that meeting, I have an appointment." That's lying. Another type of deceit I would regularly engage in would be exaggeration. I love telling stories and making people laugh. So if there was a way to make a story funnier I would exaggerate it.

Jesus began convicting me of these things. He lead me to 1 John 1:5-10:

This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. if we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.

I loved Jesus and walked with Jesus and I could not continue to act as though I did not sin. I must confess it. It was a startling realization. To get over this sin I must confess it to those I had sinned against...to those I had lied to. What? I don't want to do that, Jesus. I don't want people to know that I am a liar. Jesus answered, "You lie, Twyla, you are not a liar. Now confess it and get over it."

So, you guessed it. I began to confess my sins. I began to confess if I lied to people. It was so embarrassing! But it was also freeing. I would go right away to whomever I lied to and ask their forgiveness. It took almost an entire year to break out of the habit of lying and exaggerating.

People's reactions were interesting. Usually they were very gracious. A few times I received judgmental attitudes and looks, but most of the time people were gracious and kind. Occasionally I was asked about why I confessed and more than once people would confess right back to me that they struggled with the same thing.

This is why I am open about my weaknesses. I want to have fellowship with my Jesus. I want to walk in the light as He is in the light. I want to have fellowship with others that follow Him. When I hide my sin, I am in the darkness and I have no fellowship with Jesus or with others. As I continue on the Way in Jesus I have to confess now and again. And yes, it is difficult. But I have found that confessing leads to openness and trust. Those are the kinds of relationships I want in my life. That's what I want to teach my children.

Love from the islands,
Twyla

Day Eleven: Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus || Spoken Word

I'm going to take a break from my usual format today. Enjoy!

Oh my word! This video by bball1989 has gone viral on facebook. This is why we boast in weaknesses...

"Spent my whole life building this facade of neatness but now that I know Jesus I boast in my weakness."

What is Jesus doing with this truth? It's going viral because we are tired of pretending that we have it all together. We can't do it anymore. We need Jesus.

"I don't have to hide my failure, I don't have to hide my sin. Because it doesn't depend on me. It depends on Him."

Many people have given up finding hope for their lives. Let's shout it from the mountain tops. There is hope in Jesus!

"Religion says do. Jesus says done. Religion says slave. Jesus says son. Religion puts you in bondage while Jesus sets you free. Religion make you blind but Jesus makes you see."

Enough said. "Jesus sets you free."

Love from the islands,

Twyla

Day Ten: Sam

I asked Sam's permission to post this...I stated in an earlier blog that I would not post about Team Castro's weaknesses. I would like to amend that. Sometimes our weaknesses produce in us and others a harvest of righteousness. I will only post what Team Castro gives permission to post and I will only share what in the end is encouraging to all of us...

Sam came to know Jesus when he was just 5 years old. He was under great conviction when he told us he wanted to give his life to Jesus. We were stunned as we watched him empty his heart out to the Lord at such a young age.

Sam is a normal xbox-playing, sister-tormenting, chore-forgetting boy. He marches to the beat of his own harmonica as our friend, Amber, likes to say. He is his own man through and through. And yet, in all this normalness lies a sensitive spirit that longs to please Jesus.

Recently Sam came to me after he had gone to bed for the night and asked if we could talk somewhere private. We went in my bedroom and Sam confessed to cheating in homeschool. In his independent study time he had marked some things as correct that were wrong so he wouldn't have to correct them. He shared how as he was praying in bed God had reminded him of this infraction. He asked me to forgive him and asked me to help him by correcting his independent work for him so that he wouldn't be tempted to cheat again. As we talked I assured him of my forgiveness and God's wonderful love for him in showing him his sin and calling him back into fellowship with Him.

The next morning as we were going over the "Jesus speaking" journals, I opened Sam's journal. Instead of a sentence, Sam had written one word, "Forgiven." One small word. One small word that preached a sermon.

Do you need that sermon today? I know I need it everyday. A reminder that when we give our lives to Jesus we are forgiven and cleansed of all sins past and future. Praise Him!

Those who look to Him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame (Psalm 34:5).

Love from the islands,
Twyla

P.S. I'm one-third through my 30 day commitment and I have to say it is so fun! Thank you all for listening to this fiery heart.

Day Three: Exactly One Year Ago Today

So, good news. I started my detox, healthy eating plan yesterday. For me that means eating lots more fruits, veggies, and protein and leaving out the sugary carbs like bread, tortillas and rice. The rice is the hardest part as we live in an Asian country. It's served with everything. I could actually write a whole blog about what I eat everyday, but that sounds kind of boring to me.

Instead I want to write about my "weight weakness." Surprised? Another weakness! Maybe this will be a weakness blog. Haha! Everyday I will write about one weakness or another. Hmmm...I'll need to think on that. ANYWAY, I have been overweight most of my life. There have been times here and there that I have worked out like crazy every day and eaten very little. I lose weight. Then I gain weight. It comes and it goes. I have yet to find a sustainable system for keeping it off. It has been a source of much angst and drama. I went through an entire season of guilt and hating myself. I have tried every diet (seriously, EVERY DIET known to man) and studied every food related Bible study I could get my hands on. I have single handedly given a life of luxury to the CEO of Thomas Nelson with all my purchases of diet/bible materials.

Those materials informed me that gluttony was a sin and that I was a sinner for overeating. They informed me that I could eat whatever I wanted, that all foods are good in God's sight. Just eat until you are satisfied, not stuffed and you will lose weight. They taught me that if you stay in God's Word and pray everyday you will have the strength to overcome. All of these are true. And yet... In my sinful nature I held onto things like, "You're a sinner, you glutton!" or my favorite, "Eat whatever you want, it's all good in God's sight." Haha! Notice I forgot about the until your satisfied not stuffed part. I would swing from legalism to freedom abuse. And the guilt mounted.

In my desperation, exactly one year ago today, I reached out to a ministry in our home fellowship in LA. It is a ministry of prayer. Their focus is on concentrated prayer for freedom. It was only prayer...only prayer...only talking to Jesus on my broken, desperate behalf. Prayer. Talking to Jesus. So simple and yet so wonderful.

Don't get me wrong. I had prayed a gazillion times before for freedom from my gluttony. It wasn't until that night, however, that Jesus began to open my eyes to how the evil one was turning truth into lies. The voice of criticism and disapproval I was listening to was not from Him. I was holding on to the condemnation so tightly that I couldn't hear the hope. He was not calling me, "Gutton!" He calls me, "Free!" Because He "calls things that are not as though they were." (Rom 4:17) Praise Him! You could also say, "He calls things that are (glutton) as though they were not (free)." Oh how I love Him. I am so thankful for the hope of truth.

Why were my eyes opened to the truth THAT night? I don't know. I know when two or more pray together Jesus promises He will be there with them. Corporate, biblical prayer is powerful.

Now, after a year of freedom am I skinny? Ha! No. But I am still free. I am free from being consumed with food. I am free from worrying about food. I am free from the hours of guilt ridden self-codemning prayer. What a waste of time. What I do have is the motivation to keep trying, to keep exercising and to start my detox eating plan.  I am so grateful to my Jesus.  He does transform us and make us more like him.

Love from the islands,
Twyla :)

P.S.  I love you guys!  Thanks for all the encouraging words.  Please let me know your thoughts as this will be an ever changing blog.

Day Two: Commitment Remorse

Ahhh...what have I gotten myself into?  I couldn't sleep last night worrying over this crazy commitment.  What am I going to write about?  What kind of blog will this be?  Will it be a food blog (my favorites)?  A homeschool blog (scarey)?  A "Proverbs 31 Woman" blog (yeah, right.)?  I love blogs.  They all sound so positive.  People's lives sound fun.  They make beautiful meals, take beautiful pictures and have perfect kids.  They are organized and efficient...

Let's see.  Should I write about our meltdown in math yesterday?  How about my mediocre chicken pot pie last night? I actually took a picture of the pot pie thinking that's what you do when you write a blog.  Haha!  How about my need to detox from Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas...another "resolution" that has yet to be started?  Or maybe I should go with the fact that I am still on Dec. 8 of my "Read through the Bible plan" from last year.  How in the world can you get through Romans in four days?

I will probably write about all those subjects in the coming days.  But I have a problem.

I have a desperate need to confess all my weaknesses.  This characteristic comes out of a past (and present) of fighting pride in my life.  Why would I want to write for 30 days straight when there is a compulsory need to confess all the time?  (Insert hands shaking, upset stomach, etc.)  This will be an experiment in humiliation.

But my Jesus reminds me, "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why for Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses...for when I am weak then I am strong."

Sigh.  I can do that.  I can delight in weaknesses.  I can rest in Him.  I can walk through meltdowns with Him.  I can laugh at my need to please you all with a picture of my pot pie.  I CAN detox and eat healthy real foods because I want to please Him.  I want to honor His temple, my body.  And best of all I am free from dates on reading plans because I want to spend time with Him, soaking in His words to me.

What about you?  Do you feel a need to put your best foot forward all the time?  My Jesus' kingdom is all upside down and backwards.  The first will be last, love your enemies and boast in your weaknesses.  Crazy.  But I want to be near Him.  I want to know Him and I have found that these crazy upside down ideas actually set me free to walk with Him more intimately.

Love from the islands,
Twyla

P.S.  Do you like the new font?  Much easier to read.  :)