Wow! It's been four weeks since I began this amazing adventure of blogging. I am having so much fun. Who knew that writing about my wacky life would turn into a cathartic exercise in self-expression? Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, for reading each day. I still have two more days left, but I am anticipating the end of this commitment and I don't think I can say thank you enough. I thought that today I would write about some of my favorite and not so favorite posts...maybe invite you into my head. Careful, my head is a crazy place. Enter at your own risk.
Oddly enough, two of my favorite posts were the least read. Isn't that how it is, though, in real life? Our seemingly inconsequential days are sometimes the most profound. I loved writing A Worn, Taped Up Little NIV. That morning I was overcome by the Word of God. It was a beautiful time thanking Jesus that He has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). Even with all the confession and talk of weaknesses in this blog, I felt that I was the most transparent that day. The other favorite was Movie Quotes. I really liked that day too because it cracked me up. I love laughing at myself and that day I thought, "Does anyone else think like this?" I am so weird.
The most popular posts were A Call To Single Men, A Call To Single Women and Our Story. You guys love romance as much as I do. The themes of love, romance, and "What the heck am I supposed to do as a single?" really resonate with us all. We all want romance in our lives, God made us that way. If I had a secluded shack (ok, nice hotel room) on a beach somewhere I think I could write a whole book on this subject of singleness in Jesus and the idea of pursuing and being pursued. Louie wouldn't let me, but I would also love to open a matchmaking service. :)
I REALLY struggled with writing My Story. It took me all day. That was the day that flipped my schedule around. At first I was writing my posts early in the mornings (on this side of the world) but that post took me all day. I struggled for two reasons. First, I had just written Louie's faith story. His story is a beautiful picture of redemption. There is no one too far that Jesus can't reach them with His grace. My little story seemed anti-climatic after that. And second, I didn't want to open up to you about my deceitful past. Did you really want to hear another confession? But, it is a testimony of Jesus' transformational power. How could I not share it? There were many drafts to that story.
All of the last twenty-seven posts are like my children. How could I really choose a favorite? Each one is an honest expression of my life that day. They are about my walk with Jesus, Team Castro and the craziness of life in the islands. I hold them all as treasures.
Would you please give me your feedback? What did you like or not like? Be honest, but be kind ok? I genuinely want to know your opinions. I'm praying about what the next steps are going to be in this journey of faith. I'm so grateful for you all!
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Day Twenty-Seven: Homeschooling
A friend posted this to her facebook page today. It cracked me up because it is soooooo true.
When Sam saw this we had a very interesting conversaton:
Sam: (Very dramatically) That's why I like going to school! Number one, You get to stay home when your sick.
Me: Well, (I tried) You get to stay home all the time in homeschool.
Sam: Yeah and do ALL my work in bed while I'm sick! When I'm in school and I stay home sick, you let me watch tv and play video games.
Me: What else do you like about going to school? You said that was number one.
Sam: Number two, It's easy.
Me: You don't want school to be easy all the time. It would be boring.
Sam: Mom, do I even have to answer that?
Me: What else?
Sam: And number three, you get to buy lunch and have cookies.
Well, there's no competing with cookies.
I am a reluctant homeschooler. Reluctant because I'm insecure about it all. I am always doubting myself. Are they getting enough? Would they get more in school? Am I ruining my kids? How will they do in college? It's an ugly spiral.
I am a reluctant homeschooler. Reluctant because I'm insecure about it all. I am always doubting myself. Are they getting enough? Would they get more in school? Am I ruining my kids? How will they do in college? It's an ugly spiral.
Reluctant doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. I actually do. I love English and History. So we can spend weeks on the Civil War learning all about the people involved, studying the maps and reenacting the battles. We'll read novel after novel about the Civil War and (my favorite) watch all the great Civil War movies. But I don't like Science so it is the hardest subject to teach. And if we run out of time for the day, it's almost always Science that gets put off until the next day.
If I love something we will study it completely, if I don't particularly like a subject, we tolerate it.
Pray for my kids.
On the other hand, Chloe just wrote a persuasive essay strongly supporting her love of homeschooling. Her three main points for liking homeschooling are:
1. You can stay home and wear pajamas to school.
2. You can get up early in the morning and do school before breakfast. If you do you will have lots of free time later.
3. In your own environment you might feel more comfortable and less stressed. (That's my shy girl.)
So as a mom I will do what all parents have to do. I will learn from the above (very different) opinions. Let Sam rest and relax when he is sick. Don't be a slave driver. And with Chloe, enjoy these years because the time is fast approaching when she will leave me for college (insert racking sobbs).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
If I love something we will study it completely, if I don't particularly like a subject, we tolerate it.
Pray for my kids.
On the other hand, Chloe just wrote a persuasive essay strongly supporting her love of homeschooling. Her three main points for liking homeschooling are:
1. You can stay home and wear pajamas to school.
2. You can get up early in the morning and do school before breakfast. If you do you will have lots of free time later.
3. In your own environment you might feel more comfortable and less stressed. (That's my shy girl.)
So as a mom I will do what all parents have to do. I will learn from the above (very different) opinions. Let Sam rest and relax when he is sick. Don't be a slave driver. And with Chloe, enjoy these years because the time is fast approaching when she will leave me for college (insert racking sobbs).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Day Twenty-Six: My Story
I've given you stories about each of my kids. I told you Louie's story of faith and I even told you of our romance. But I have yet to tell you my story. The story of how I was found by Jesus. I don't know why I've waited until almost the end of my thirty day commitment. Maybe it's because I began these posts with so many confessions. I wanted a break from self-humiliation. :) Not that chasing Jesus is humiliating. But there is a lot of confession involved in following Him and my flesh (that is my old nature-2 Cor 5:17) fights against humbling myself.
That is one of the reasons I confess in the first place. I fight my pride with confession. Confession reminds me that there is nothing I can do to save myself. Confession reminds me that I need Him everyday. Apart from Him I would be a desperate, hopeless woman. In Him I am His child. In Him I have joy. Confession leads me to the hope that comes only from Him.
Another reason I have waited to tell you my story is because it's not as exciting as Louie's story. It is just as glorious because the endings are the same. We are both rescued by Jesus. But Louie's story fits better in Hollywood. :) My story is kind of boring. Ha! Hang in there. Jesus saves me. It's the best part.
I came to Jesus when I was seven years old. At seven years old I didn't have much to confess, but I knew I needed Jesus. I knew that I sinned. I was overcome by my need to be saved from this world. I knew there was another world...another kingdom and I wanted to belong to Jesus' kingdom. I was baptized. I loved Jesus so much and I learned much about Him growing up.
I began to live for myself in college. Living for yourself is such a dead-end life. I saw many friends destroy their lives during those years...or begin to destroy their lives. Some of them are still trying to put themselves back together after wrong choices in college. This is the time I also began the "boy crazy" years. There began to be some major character issues that needed to be cleaned up. Thank you Jesus, He is in the business of cleaning us up.
I've already told you the story of the boy crazy years, but I haven't told you about other things that Jesus kept bringing up in my life. After I moved to LA, Jesus convicted me of deceit. I kept reading verse after verse in Proverbs about lying (Prov 6:17, 12:19&22, 17:7, 21:6, 26:28). Jesus made it clear that I needed to stop all deceit in my life. Deceit had become so easy it was unnoticed. I would answer people by whatever answer would lead to the least conflict. Instead of answering truthfully, I would lie. For example, "You're not a religious person, are you?" I would answer, "No, of course not." That's the answer they wanted, so I would give it to them. Or I would lie by making up excuses for things I didn't want to do. For example, "I can't stay after school for that meeting, I have an appointment." That's lying. Another type of deceit I would regularly engage in would be exaggeration. I love telling stories and making people laugh. So if there was a way to make a story funnier I would exaggerate it.
Jesus began convicting me of these things. He lead me to 1 John 1:5-10:
I loved Jesus and walked with Jesus and I could not continue to act as though I did not sin. I must confess it. It was a startling realization. To get over this sin I must confess it to those I had sinned against...to those I had lied to. What? I don't want to do that, Jesus. I don't want people to know that I am a liar. Jesus answered, "You lie, Twyla, you are not a liar. Now confess it and get over it."
So, you guessed it. I began to confess my sins. I began to confess if I lied to people. It was so embarrassing! But it was also freeing. I would go right away to whomever I lied to and ask their forgiveness. It took almost an entire year to break out of the habit of lying and exaggerating.
People's reactions were interesting. Usually they were very gracious. A few times I received judgmental attitudes and looks, but most of the time people were gracious and kind. Occasionally I was asked about why I confessed and more than once people would confess right back to me that they struggled with the same thing.
This is why I am open about my weaknesses. I want to have fellowship with my Jesus. I want to walk in the light as He is in the light. I want to have fellowship with others that follow Him. When I hide my sin, I am in the darkness and I have no fellowship with Jesus or with others. As I continue on the Way in Jesus I have to confess now and again. And yes, it is difficult. But I have found that confessing leads to openness and trust. Those are the kinds of relationships I want in my life. That's what I want to teach my children.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
That is one of the reasons I confess in the first place. I fight my pride with confession. Confession reminds me that there is nothing I can do to save myself. Confession reminds me that I need Him everyday. Apart from Him I would be a desperate, hopeless woman. In Him I am His child. In Him I have joy. Confession leads me to the hope that comes only from Him.
Another reason I have waited to tell you my story is because it's not as exciting as Louie's story. It is just as glorious because the endings are the same. We are both rescued by Jesus. But Louie's story fits better in Hollywood. :) My story is kind of boring. Ha! Hang in there. Jesus saves me. It's the best part.
I came to Jesus when I was seven years old. At seven years old I didn't have much to confess, but I knew I needed Jesus. I knew that I sinned. I was overcome by my need to be saved from this world. I knew there was another world...another kingdom and I wanted to belong to Jesus' kingdom. I was baptized. I loved Jesus so much and I learned much about Him growing up.
I began to live for myself in college. Living for yourself is such a dead-end life. I saw many friends destroy their lives during those years...or begin to destroy their lives. Some of them are still trying to put themselves back together after wrong choices in college. This is the time I also began the "boy crazy" years. There began to be some major character issues that needed to be cleaned up. Thank you Jesus, He is in the business of cleaning us up.
I've already told you the story of the boy crazy years, but I haven't told you about other things that Jesus kept bringing up in my life. After I moved to LA, Jesus convicted me of deceit. I kept reading verse after verse in Proverbs about lying (Prov 6:17, 12:19&22, 17:7, 21:6, 26:28). Jesus made it clear that I needed to stop all deceit in my life. Deceit had become so easy it was unnoticed. I would answer people by whatever answer would lead to the least conflict. Instead of answering truthfully, I would lie. For example, "You're not a religious person, are you?" I would answer, "No, of course not." That's the answer they wanted, so I would give it to them. Or I would lie by making up excuses for things I didn't want to do. For example, "I can't stay after school for that meeting, I have an appointment." That's lying. Another type of deceit I would regularly engage in would be exaggeration. I love telling stories and making people laugh. So if there was a way to make a story funnier I would exaggerate it.
Jesus began convicting me of these things. He lead me to 1 John 1:5-10:
This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. if we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.
So, you guessed it. I began to confess my sins. I began to confess if I lied to people. It was so embarrassing! But it was also freeing. I would go right away to whomever I lied to and ask their forgiveness. It took almost an entire year to break out of the habit of lying and exaggerating.
People's reactions were interesting. Usually they were very gracious. A few times I received judgmental attitudes and looks, but most of the time people were gracious and kind. Occasionally I was asked about why I confessed and more than once people would confess right back to me that they struggled with the same thing.
This is why I am open about my weaknesses. I want to have fellowship with my Jesus. I want to walk in the light as He is in the light. I want to have fellowship with others that follow Him. When I hide my sin, I am in the darkness and I have no fellowship with Jesus or with others. As I continue on the Way in Jesus I have to confess now and again. And yes, it is difficult. But I have found that confessing leads to openness and trust. Those are the kinds of relationships I want in my life. That's what I want to teach my children.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Day Twenty-Five: Sex, Marriage, & Fairytales || Spoken Word
A few days ago I posted the story of our romance. This is a great extension of that story. Jesus brings us together and only in Him can we stay together. Marriage is sustained in Him.
Only He can direct our lives. Only He can make us whole. Only He can help us lay down our selfishness for others. We need Him so desperately.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Friday, January 27, 2012
Day Twenty-Four: Chloe and Sam
Sometimes people ask me how I could take my children all the way around the world. How could I take them away from good schools and hospitals etc. etc. I hope these random pics of Chloe and Sam growing up here in the islands will answer that question. We love it here and I love the things my children are learning on this adventure.
Sam learned to climb a coconut tree when he was five years old. Of course this overprotective mamma won't let him climb higher than ten feet. :)
Every year my kiddos get to go to an amazing camp. Here we are climbing next to a volcano. Have any of you ever climbed a volcano? It's super exciting.
My kids have made friends with people from different cultures. They have learned to eat spicy foods and are learning a different language.
They are learning that most of the world's children do not have running water, enough food or even toys. They are learning to appreciate all the wonderful things we do have in the States.
Riding a motorcycle would be worth living overseas for both of them. They love it. :)
Here's Chloe helping with an English Club.
Good friends make it that much more fun.
You can never see enough sea turtles.
Exploring an awesome tree.
Canoeing in one of the biggest crater lakes in the world.
I'm grateful for the chance to chase Jesus to this place. And I am grateful that my children are growing up learning about Him and how He has a plan for their life. His plan is not something to be afraid of, it's something to be chased after with all that we are. He is to be enjoyed along the Way.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Day Twenty-Three: Movie Quotes
It crossed my mind yesterday that I have used a lot of movie quotes over that last twenty-three days. By a lot I mean three...
*From day four:
Do you remember that part at the end of "Return of the King" where Sam is trying to encourage Frodo? That's how Louie is with me in regard to all my weaknesses but especially with my "weight weakness." Sam says, "Then let us be rid of it...once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you...but I can carry you!"
* From day twelve:
*From day four:
Do you remember that part at the end of "Return of the King" where Sam is trying to encourage Frodo? That's how Louie is with me in regard to all my weaknesses but especially with my "weight weakness." Sam says, "Then let us be rid of it...once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you...but I can carry you!"
* From day twelve:
Do you remember that scene in Captain America where Dr. Erskine says, "The serum amplifies everything that is inside. So good becomes great and bad becomes worse." Well, my "serum" amplified everything that was bad in me.
* From day twenty-one:
as Iris says in The Holiday, "You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life." :)
* From day twenty-one:
as Iris says in The Holiday, "You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life." :)
It seemed like more than three. But I guess that's because I think about movie quotes all the time. They help me narrate my life. I hear a voice over in my head that describes what is going on around me. Is that strange? Ha! It seems strange as I type this out.
I wonder why I do that? I mean, I love movies...LOVE movies. But why do the words stick with me the way they do? I regularly quote Braveheart with Louie. It's one of our favorite movies...if the coffee is a little strong in the morning a good boisterous, "That'll wake you up in the morning, boys!" jumps out of my mouth. Or if I'm leaving Chloe alone with some friends at the mall, in my mind I'm thinking, "You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you!" from The Last of the Mohicans. Yes, overprotective mom here. And then one of my favorites, if we are walking outside and the kids are complaining about a little exercise I'll start running and yell, "There's some blue sky. Let us chase it!" from Sense and Sensibility.
Yes, I'm a dork. Did I mention I am the quirky leading lady of my own life? Emphasis on quirky.
I wonder if the reason I think about movies is because movies echo a great need in my life. I have a need for my life to matter. I want it to be exciting, romantic and adventurous. But if movies echo a need in my life then what propels movies? I mean why are romances and adventures so popular? Why do we pay good money to watch other people risk, fall in love or rescue others?
In The Life You've Always Wanted, John Ortberg writes, "Frederick Buechner once wrote that every age has produced fairy tales. Something inside us believes or wants to believe, that the world as we know it is not the whole story. We long for the reenchantment of reality...So we keep spinning and repeating stories that hold the promise of another world." He continues, " Fairy tales are not just stories about the transformation of the world around us. They are usually about the transformation of the central characters: frogs becoming princes, ugly ducklings becoming swans..."
I want to see transformation in my life. I want to be the risk-taker. I want to be the one that goes behind enemy lines and rescues the orphans (that was a Monday Night movie I saw when I was 12 years old and has always stuck with me). Why? Because all of us have been created to live by faith. Life in the Spirit is about taking risks and following Jesus. We watch movies many times to live vicariously through the main characters. Watching others take risks may meet a surface level need for our own faith deficiencies.
The amazing thing about Jesus is that we don't have to just watch others live by faith. We don't have to be spectators in our own lives. You are the hero of your own story. You are the leading man or leading lady of your own life. Like I said before, I imagine Jesus running from broken person to broken person and looking back to see if we will chase Him to meet their needs...to love them...to get messy and be involved.
Look around you. Where is Jesus? What's He calling you to do with/in your life? I guarantee it will be more exciting than any movie.
But I will continue to pilfer movie lines. Hollywood people are just better writers than I am. :)
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Yes, I'm a dork. Did I mention I am the quirky leading lady of my own life? Emphasis on quirky.
I wonder if the reason I think about movies is because movies echo a great need in my life. I have a need for my life to matter. I want it to be exciting, romantic and adventurous. But if movies echo a need in my life then what propels movies? I mean why are romances and adventures so popular? Why do we pay good money to watch other people risk, fall in love or rescue others?
In The Life You've Always Wanted, John Ortberg writes, "Frederick Buechner once wrote that every age has produced fairy tales. Something inside us believes or wants to believe, that the world as we know it is not the whole story. We long for the reenchantment of reality...So we keep spinning and repeating stories that hold the promise of another world." He continues, " Fairy tales are not just stories about the transformation of the world around us. They are usually about the transformation of the central characters: frogs becoming princes, ugly ducklings becoming swans..."
I want to see transformation in my life. I want to be the risk-taker. I want to be the one that goes behind enemy lines and rescues the orphans (that was a Monday Night movie I saw when I was 12 years old and has always stuck with me). Why? Because all of us have been created to live by faith. Life in the Spirit is about taking risks and following Jesus. We watch movies many times to live vicariously through the main characters. Watching others take risks may meet a surface level need for our own faith deficiencies.
The amazing thing about Jesus is that we don't have to just watch others live by faith. We don't have to be spectators in our own lives. You are the hero of your own story. You are the leading man or leading lady of your own life. Like I said before, I imagine Jesus running from broken person to broken person and looking back to see if we will chase Him to meet their needs...to love them...to get messy and be involved.
Look around you. Where is Jesus? What's He calling you to do with/in your life? I guarantee it will be more exciting than any movie.
But I will continue to pilfer movie lines. Hollywood people are just better writers than I am. :)
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Day Twenty-Two: Our Story Part 2
**Here is the continuation of yesterday's story**
I quickly told my roommates my suspicions and told them that Louie was on his way over right then. We (all seven of us at this point) stopped and prayed that Jesus would give me the words to say to Louie if he did ask me to back out of the commitment. When Louie arrived they all waited in another room praying for me and our conversation...
I quickly told my roommates my suspicions and told them that Louie was on his way over right then. We (all seven of us at this point) stopped and prayed that Jesus would give me the words to say to Louie if he did ask me to back out of the commitment. When Louie arrived they all waited in another room praying for me and our conversation...
Louie was definitely nervous. He was sweating and his voice was shaky. We sat down and he began to ask me questions about our commitment. He asked me if any other men had asked me out during this year. I had to admit that yes there were a couple of guys hanging around in the fringes. (I am rather embarrassed to write that...it's not like what it sounds like. I was just so full of following Jesus and I think it was truly attractive to some guys.) Anyway...He then wiped his palms on his legs and said, "Twyla, would you go out with me..." Now, I must tell you that my heart dropped. I was disappointed in Louie and I prayed for wisdom.
But Louie wasn't finished, "...in seven months." Wait. What? Could you repeat that? "Twyla, would you go out with me...in seven months?" He shared with me that he had been praying and waiting to tell me about his feelings until after our commitment, but he had noticed that there were other guys waiting also. He wanted, if I was agreeable, to give the other guys the message to back off. He wanted them to know that I was spoken for.
Swoon! Are you kidding me?! Are you for real?! My heart had just been through the ringer. I had moved from disappointment to absolute head over heels in love. Of course I told him that I would date him in seven months and that yes I was agreeable to getting the message out to the other guys to back off. :)
Last night I asked Louie about this conversation again. I wanted to get the facts straight. He told me that he had been praying for his wife. And as he and I learned more and more about each other, he hoped Jesus was allowing him to become best friends with his future wife. He wanted to be married and have children and our commitment had allowed him to see the real me, not the "dating" me. And remember, he had not been discipled in the "wait and see" teaching of the single guys at church. He had been discipled in the "hard knocks" of real life and he was ready to get on with the life Jesus had for him. He was ready to step out in faith.
We decided that we would not go out alone together and we would immediately tell our friends about this new development. My roommates were still waiting and praying for us in the next room. When Louie left and I told them all about our conversation they were asking if Louie had any single brothers. :) Louie was being discipled by one of our closet friends. We decided to tell him and our pastor (my mentor). But soon our entire fellowship knew about "Louie and Twyla." One of my roommates said, "I want to NOT date someone. It looks like a lot of fun." :) It WAS a lot of fun.
One of my worries throughout this time was how young Louie was in Jesus. I had not thought of Louie initially as being "open" for dating after our commitment was over because of his newness in Jesus. I approached my mentor/pastor about it. I will never forget his answer. He shared with me that it's not how long someone has known Jesus that matters, it's how they follow Him, how they love His Word and how they obey Him. He said, "There are many, many men out there that have known Jesus a long time, but they are not passionate about Him or follow Him with everything they are. Louie is the type of man I would want you to marry. Do not marry a man who has known Jesus for a long time, but does not obey Him."
Of course, I was thrilled with that advice and it continues to be a theme in my life. I long for single women who love Jesus never to settle for a man that just "knows" Jesus. Wait for the man that passionately loves and follows Him. The man that pursues Jesus will pursue you. And if for some reason all the men around you are disobeying Jesus, it is much better to chase Jesus alone than to try and drag along someone else.
Ok, enough preaching...
Our first date was on September 17, 1994. It was pretty funny. It seemed like our entire fellowship knew we were going out alone for our official first date that day. Of course we were nervous, but it was perfect. We talked about all kinds of things we had not allowed ourselves to say in the past seven months. We knew we loved each other and actually began planning our wedding that day. :) It was a very easy transition from best friends to being in love. Looking back I wish we had married right away. When you find your life, you want it to begin at once. :) We married on December 15, 1995.
So what do you think? Pretty romantic, huh? As I've stated before we all have these types of stories. I'm just getting to write mine down. I am grateful to be able to write out these Team Castro tales. They are memories that we hold dear around here and until this month I had never thought about writing them down. It's actually quite fun. I don't want to forget what Jesus has done and most of all I don't want my children to forget. I want them to remember Jesus can redeem any story. He can make any story a romance because He is the great Lover. We've all had crazy beginnings and shaky midlife stories but if we belong to Him and passionately follow Him, He will give each and everyone of us a happy ending because He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. (Heb 13:6).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
We decided that we would not go out alone together and we would immediately tell our friends about this new development. My roommates were still waiting and praying for us in the next room. When Louie left and I told them all about our conversation they were asking if Louie had any single brothers. :) Louie was being discipled by one of our closet friends. We decided to tell him and our pastor (my mentor). But soon our entire fellowship knew about "Louie and Twyla." One of my roommates said, "I want to NOT date someone. It looks like a lot of fun." :) It WAS a lot of fun.
One of my worries throughout this time was how young Louie was in Jesus. I had not thought of Louie initially as being "open" for dating after our commitment was over because of his newness in Jesus. I approached my mentor/pastor about it. I will never forget his answer. He shared with me that it's not how long someone has known Jesus that matters, it's how they follow Him, how they love His Word and how they obey Him. He said, "There are many, many men out there that have known Jesus a long time, but they are not passionate about Him or follow Him with everything they are. Louie is the type of man I would want you to marry. Do not marry a man who has known Jesus for a long time, but does not obey Him."
Of course, I was thrilled with that advice and it continues to be a theme in my life. I long for single women who love Jesus never to settle for a man that just "knows" Jesus. Wait for the man that passionately loves and follows Him. The man that pursues Jesus will pursue you. And if for some reason all the men around you are disobeying Jesus, it is much better to chase Jesus alone than to try and drag along someone else.
Ok, enough preaching...
Our first date was on September 17, 1994. It was pretty funny. It seemed like our entire fellowship knew we were going out alone for our official first date that day. Of course we were nervous, but it was perfect. We talked about all kinds of things we had not allowed ourselves to say in the past seven months. We knew we loved each other and actually began planning our wedding that day. :) It was a very easy transition from best friends to being in love. Looking back I wish we had married right away. When you find your life, you want it to begin at once. :) We married on December 15, 1995.
So what do you think? Pretty romantic, huh? As I've stated before we all have these types of stories. I'm just getting to write mine down. I am grateful to be able to write out these Team Castro tales. They are memories that we hold dear around here and until this month I had never thought about writing them down. It's actually quite fun. I don't want to forget what Jesus has done and most of all I don't want my children to forget. I want them to remember Jesus can redeem any story. He can make any story a romance because He is the great Lover. We've all had crazy beginnings and shaky midlife stories but if we belong to Him and passionately follow Him, He will give each and everyone of us a happy ending because He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. (Heb 13:6).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Day Twenty-One: Our Story
I've been saving this story. It's one of my favorites. It's up there with the birth of my children and the day I gave my life to Jesus. I hold this story in my heart like a treasure. I've told it to all my friends, acquaintances and even complete strangers. My children ask me to tell this story at least once a year. It's one of their favorites too. This the story of how my latin man and I fell in love. This is the story of our romance.
I've alluded to this story before. I've told you about Louie praying for a wife when he was single and I've told you how I gave Jesus a year of not dating. But I want to give you the full narrative now. I want to fill in the holes, give you the back story and share the whole romance with you. I love telling this story and I hope you will enjoy it too. Maybe you should go get a cup of coffee and put on your pajamas. This is the kind of romance you curl up with and enjoy. At least it's the kind I savor. There's a handsome hero and quirky leading lady...as Iris says in The Holiday, "You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life." :)
In 1993 I moved to Los Angeles, California. It was a big move for me. I was looking for my life. I was a kindergarten teacher in Dallas, Texas and was in danger of living a normal life. I say this not to minimize a life of being a teacher, but I knew deep in my heart that I wanted more. God had called me to something bigger than myself and I had yet to find it. Los Angeles had the promise of adventure and I was up for an adventure. We are created to live by faith. We are asked to believe that there is more to life than living for ourselves. I wanted that so desperately. There were reasons for choosing LA for my adventure. It wasn't completely without it's safety nets. My mentors in Dallas had moved to LA and I was following them. In California I connected myself to an amazing fellowship. This fellowship taught me (and continues to teach me) what life on the Way is all about. My mentors invested heavily in me and I was growing in my walk with Jesus.
I lived with five other women and our house was the meeting place for a singles small group. This small group was different than any other I had ever been apart of. These people were your every day young professionals. And yet many of them lived for others to know Jesus. They were outward focused and I was excited to be around other people that wanted to serve Jesus. That first night of small group, after we had begun, the door bell rang. I went to answer the door. There standing in the doorway was the most beautiful Mexican man I had ever laid eyes on. Music began to play and...Ha! Just kidding. It was Louie at the door, but I really didn't notice anything about him other than the fact that he sat in a corner all night with his hands folded over his chest and a great big scowl on his face. Louie says he remembers me that night because I made a big fool of myself. We were to illustrate some verses in the Bible with some sort of creative expression. Our group decided to use a blues song to express our verses. It was not pretty.
Yesterday I gave you the story of how Louie came to repentance and belief in Jesus. He was so fun to watch in those first days of radical forgiveness. He was experiencing everything in a fresh way, grateful for his new life and enjoying every single thing about walking with Jesus.
During this time of Louie's new beginning in Jesus I was going through my own craziness. Jesus was cleaning me up and getting me ready for the life he wanted for me. I shared about my fast from dating on day eight. In short, I felt that Jesus was calling me to give up dating so that I could truly learn how to completely depend on Him to meet my needs.
In our singles' small group I shared that I was going to give God a year and not date. I did this for two reasons. I wanted accountability from my friends and I wanted to get the word out to the single guys that I was off limits. :) At this time in our singles group there was quite a bit of informal dating going on.
That night in small group Louie was surprised at my confession and commitment. He was just a baby in Jesus...maybe 6 weeks in the Lord at that point. But the idea of not dating for a year to learn how to better follow Jesus appealed to him. He didn't know how to go about the dating thing in Jesus and wanted a good year off too. So, you guessed it, he gave Jesus a year. He decided to follow my example and not date for an entire year. He shared with our small group and they decided as a group to be our accountability.
That was one of the best years of my life. We had so much fun. Our small group did life together. We hiked, went to movies, went to the beach and hung out at Baker's Square until the wee hours of the mornings. We shared Jesus with our co-workers and helped each other reach out to those without Jesus. My roommates and I hosted a meal each week where the only requirement for joining was bringing someone who needed encouragement. Louie went to those dinners frequently.
That year Louie and I became best friends. We realized that we both loved hiking. We both spoke Spanish, loved asian food and The Gipsy Kings. We didn't do these things on dates but in groups of friends. There was no pressure to be perfect. We (all of us) learned the good the bad and the ugly about each other and it was what I imagine the first church was like.
Fast forward four or five months into our dating fast. Unknown to me, Louie began to think about what it would be like for he and I to date each other. He says that at our Christmas party that year he began to fall in love with me. I honestly don't remember much of that Christmas party or even seeing Louie much that night. He was parking cars and shuttling people so they could enjoy the party. I was one of the MC's of the party and was busy entertaining. By the way, that pretty much is the best example of our personalities. Louie is parking cars and serving while I am the center of attention.
He says that he began to think and pray about our future. He called me one night soon after that party and asked me if he could come over and talk. On the phone he sounded very strange. I was immediately put on the defensive and began to suspect something was up. It worried me to think that Louie would so quickly (we still had seven months left) give up on a commitment we had made to our Jesus. Yes, it was true that we were best friends. Yes, he was the person I talked most about that Christmas at home and yes, I couldn't deny that I didn't ever want to think about my life without him. But I didn't want to give up on our commitment to not date for a year.
I quickly told my roommates my suspicions and told them that Louie was on his way over right then. We (all seven of us at this point) stopped and prayed that Jesus would give me the words to say to Louie if he did ask me to back out of the commitment. When Louie arrived they all waited in another room praying for me and our conversation...
...To be continued. :)
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. Ha! Sorry about that. :) I have always wanted to stop a story right in the best part...this was getting too long anyway. I'll finish it up tomorrow.
I've alluded to this story before. I've told you about Louie praying for a wife when he was single and I've told you how I gave Jesus a year of not dating. But I want to give you the full narrative now. I want to fill in the holes, give you the back story and share the whole romance with you. I love telling this story and I hope you will enjoy it too. Maybe you should go get a cup of coffee and put on your pajamas. This is the kind of romance you curl up with and enjoy. At least it's the kind I savor. There's a handsome hero and quirky leading lady...as Iris says in The Holiday, "You're supposed to be the leading lady in your own life." :)
In 1993 I moved to Los Angeles, California. It was a big move for me. I was looking for my life. I was a kindergarten teacher in Dallas, Texas and was in danger of living a normal life. I say this not to minimize a life of being a teacher, but I knew deep in my heart that I wanted more. God had called me to something bigger than myself and I had yet to find it. Los Angeles had the promise of adventure and I was up for an adventure. We are created to live by faith. We are asked to believe that there is more to life than living for ourselves. I wanted that so desperately. There were reasons for choosing LA for my adventure. It wasn't completely without it's safety nets. My mentors in Dallas had moved to LA and I was following them. In California I connected myself to an amazing fellowship. This fellowship taught me (and continues to teach me) what life on the Way is all about. My mentors invested heavily in me and I was growing in my walk with Jesus.
I lived with five other women and our house was the meeting place for a singles small group. This small group was different than any other I had ever been apart of. These people were your every day young professionals. And yet many of them lived for others to know Jesus. They were outward focused and I was excited to be around other people that wanted to serve Jesus. That first night of small group, after we had begun, the door bell rang. I went to answer the door. There standing in the doorway was the most beautiful Mexican man I had ever laid eyes on. Music began to play and...Ha! Just kidding. It was Louie at the door, but I really didn't notice anything about him other than the fact that he sat in a corner all night with his hands folded over his chest and a great big scowl on his face. Louie says he remembers me that night because I made a big fool of myself. We were to illustrate some verses in the Bible with some sort of creative expression. Our group decided to use a blues song to express our verses. It was not pretty.
Yesterday I gave you the story of how Louie came to repentance and belief in Jesus. He was so fun to watch in those first days of radical forgiveness. He was experiencing everything in a fresh way, grateful for his new life and enjoying every single thing about walking with Jesus.
During this time of Louie's new beginning in Jesus I was going through my own craziness. Jesus was cleaning me up and getting me ready for the life he wanted for me. I shared about my fast from dating on day eight. In short, I felt that Jesus was calling me to give up dating so that I could truly learn how to completely depend on Him to meet my needs.
In our singles' small group I shared that I was going to give God a year and not date. I did this for two reasons. I wanted accountability from my friends and I wanted to get the word out to the single guys that I was off limits. :) At this time in our singles group there was quite a bit of informal dating going on.
That night in small group Louie was surprised at my confession and commitment. He was just a baby in Jesus...maybe 6 weeks in the Lord at that point. But the idea of not dating for a year to learn how to better follow Jesus appealed to him. He didn't know how to go about the dating thing in Jesus and wanted a good year off too. So, you guessed it, he gave Jesus a year. He decided to follow my example and not date for an entire year. He shared with our small group and they decided as a group to be our accountability.
That was one of the best years of my life. We had so much fun. Our small group did life together. We hiked, went to movies, went to the beach and hung out at Baker's Square until the wee hours of the mornings. We shared Jesus with our co-workers and helped each other reach out to those without Jesus. My roommates and I hosted a meal each week where the only requirement for joining was bringing someone who needed encouragement. Louie went to those dinners frequently.
That year Louie and I became best friends. We realized that we both loved hiking. We both spoke Spanish, loved asian food and The Gipsy Kings. We didn't do these things on dates but in groups of friends. There was no pressure to be perfect. We (all of us) learned the good the bad and the ugly about each other and it was what I imagine the first church was like.
Fast forward four or five months into our dating fast. Unknown to me, Louie began to think about what it would be like for he and I to date each other. He says that at our Christmas party that year he began to fall in love with me. I honestly don't remember much of that Christmas party or even seeing Louie much that night. He was parking cars and shuttling people so they could enjoy the party. I was one of the MC's of the party and was busy entertaining. By the way, that pretty much is the best example of our personalities. Louie is parking cars and serving while I am the center of attention.
He says that he began to think and pray about our future. He called me one night soon after that party and asked me if he could come over and talk. On the phone he sounded very strange. I was immediately put on the defensive and began to suspect something was up. It worried me to think that Louie would so quickly (we still had seven months left) give up on a commitment we had made to our Jesus. Yes, it was true that we were best friends. Yes, he was the person I talked most about that Christmas at home and yes, I couldn't deny that I didn't ever want to think about my life without him. But I didn't want to give up on our commitment to not date for a year.
I quickly told my roommates my suspicions and told them that Louie was on his way over right then. We (all seven of us at this point) stopped and prayed that Jesus would give me the words to say to Louie if he did ask me to back out of the commitment. When Louie arrived they all waited in another room praying for me and our conversation...
...To be continued. :)
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. Ha! Sorry about that. :) I have always wanted to stop a story right in the best part...this was getting too long anyway. I'll finish it up tomorrow.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Day Twenty: Louie
**I have been given full permission to share this with you. :) Sorry, it's kind of long.
Can I take a day to tell you Louie's story? You know he's one of my favorite topics. I respect him more than any other person on this planet. He is my hero and I want to tell you how he came to know Jesus.
Louie grew up in LA. He spoke only Spanish until he went to kindergarten. He grew up in the Catholic church and went through Catechism and took his first Holy Communion.
In Jr. High, Louie began to be interested in gangs. He was drawn to the idea of being a part of something...to be included. He did not have a good relationship with his own father and the gangs offered him an escape from his home life and dysfunction.
When Louie was eleven or twelve years old he started drinking alcohol. At thirteen he used marijuana for the first time. This snowballed into a lifestyle of alcoholism and experimental drug usage that lasted well over fifteen years.
LA in the seventies was a crazy place. During these years, Louie transitioned from the Cholo gang to a fraternity of Chicano friends. These terms are pregnant with meaning, but I don't have time or space to define them for you. Just click on the links if you want to know more about what they mean. During this time Louie and his friends were heavy into the LA clubbing scene. This lifestyle included a lot of violence because they were usually in the wrong place at the wrong time. Testosterone mixed with women, drugs and alcohol became a recipe for many, many violent encounters.
It is a miracle that Louie was not killed during this time of his life. Not only was he involved in violence but he also drove while drinking. He totaled his car and spent a night in jail for a DUI.
His life deteriorated to the point that he could not get high anymore. No matter how much alcohol he drank or how many drugs he put into his system, he could not numb his pain. Louie realized that he would end up dead if something didn't change. So he enrolled himself in rehab and got clean and sober.
The first years of sobriety, Louie focused on becoming a healthy member of society. During all the years of alcohol and drug abuse, Louie was still able to keep a stable job as an operations manager. But he was not a good employee. Now he focused on working hard and making a good living. He tried to become a good person.
After four years of being clean and trying to be good, Louie began to have thoughts that the sober life was no better than being drunk. In AA they have a term for this, it's called being a "Dry Drunk."It means that nothing other than the lack of alcohol had changed. It was just a matter of time before he took another drink. He acknowledges now that if he had taken that drink, he would probably be dead.
At this time a follower of Jesus began working at Louie's company. She was different than anyone Louie had ever met. She was free. He knew immediately that she did not live under the same "rules" that he lived under. She invited him to a small group in our fellowship.
Louie began attending our fellowship. At first we all thought he hated small group. He would sit in a corner with his arms crossed and scowl at us. You know he can be intimidating. :) But little by little we began to see that he was looking for Jesus. Or more accurately that Jesus was pursuing him. Louie speaks of being drawn to believers and to the Word of God. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. He knew in his spirit that the truth of what he looked for in Cholos and Chicanos was in this vagabond broken group of follower's of Jesus.
One time we played volleyball as a small group and Louie couldn't remember which park we had decided to play in. He shares how he was frantic to get to us. Not because of playing volleyball, but because he wanted to be around people that followed Jesus.
We all shared with Louie many times. He wanted to follow Jesus but at first he struggled with the idea of becoming a follower. Did this mean he had to turn his back on his family and heritage? To be Mexican is to be Catholic. What happens when you stop being Catholic? Do you stop being Mexican? It was a real struggle at first. But the more Louie read God's Word, the more he wanted Jesus.
Finally, on July 25, 1993, Louie gave his life to Jesus in the Baker's Square on Beverly Blvd. He and our pastor had gone to lunch together after church one Sunday and there on that crowded Sunday afternoon, Louie knew his Savior.
Many changes happened after that. Louie cleaned out his apartment of paraphernalia he was still holding onto. He sold an extensive gun collection (reminders of the violence) and began to make amends and ask forgiveness of those he had hurt.
The most confusing part for his parents was when Louie was baptized. They were unsure and hurt by his turning away from Catholicism. But they could not deny the huge changes they saw in his life.
One of the hardest things for Louie was to quit smoking. It took him three months of throwing away cigarettes and then returning to them again and again. He went back and forth until he completely released them to Jesus.
Louie forgave his father. He reconciled his relationship with his older brother who he hadn't spoken to in several years. And he told his family all about his relationship with Jesus.
The prevailing thought was, I have been forgiven so much. How can I not forgive anyone else?
"Even though I was once...a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life." (I Tim 1:13-16)
Anyone who knows Louie now, knows that he is the gentlest and kindest of men. The Lord has redeemed what was death and He has given Louie life. Jesus is his life.
I pray Louie's story is an example to you of Jesus' mercy and patience. There are none too far gone that the grace of Jesus cannot reach them.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Can I take a day to tell you Louie's story? You know he's one of my favorite topics. I respect him more than any other person on this planet. He is my hero and I want to tell you how he came to know Jesus.
Louie grew up in LA. He spoke only Spanish until he went to kindergarten. He grew up in the Catholic church and went through Catechism and took his first Holy Communion.
In Jr. High, Louie began to be interested in gangs. He was drawn to the idea of being a part of something...to be included. He did not have a good relationship with his own father and the gangs offered him an escape from his home life and dysfunction.
When Louie was eleven or twelve years old he started drinking alcohol. At thirteen he used marijuana for the first time. This snowballed into a lifestyle of alcoholism and experimental drug usage that lasted well over fifteen years.
LA in the seventies was a crazy place. During these years, Louie transitioned from the Cholo gang to a fraternity of Chicano friends. These terms are pregnant with meaning, but I don't have time or space to define them for you. Just click on the links if you want to know more about what they mean. During this time Louie and his friends were heavy into the LA clubbing scene. This lifestyle included a lot of violence because they were usually in the wrong place at the wrong time. Testosterone mixed with women, drugs and alcohol became a recipe for many, many violent encounters.
It is a miracle that Louie was not killed during this time of his life. Not only was he involved in violence but he also drove while drinking. He totaled his car and spent a night in jail for a DUI.
His life deteriorated to the point that he could not get high anymore. No matter how much alcohol he drank or how many drugs he put into his system, he could not numb his pain. Louie realized that he would end up dead if something didn't change. So he enrolled himself in rehab and got clean and sober.
The first years of sobriety, Louie focused on becoming a healthy member of society. During all the years of alcohol and drug abuse, Louie was still able to keep a stable job as an operations manager. But he was not a good employee. Now he focused on working hard and making a good living. He tried to become a good person.
After four years of being clean and trying to be good, Louie began to have thoughts that the sober life was no better than being drunk. In AA they have a term for this, it's called being a "Dry Drunk."It means that nothing other than the lack of alcohol had changed. It was just a matter of time before he took another drink. He acknowledges now that if he had taken that drink, he would probably be dead.
At this time a follower of Jesus began working at Louie's company. She was different than anyone Louie had ever met. She was free. He knew immediately that she did not live under the same "rules" that he lived under. She invited him to a small group in our fellowship.
Louie began attending our fellowship. At first we all thought he hated small group. He would sit in a corner with his arms crossed and scowl at us. You know he can be intimidating. :) But little by little we began to see that he was looking for Jesus. Or more accurately that Jesus was pursuing him. Louie speaks of being drawn to believers and to the Word of God. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. He knew in his spirit that the truth of what he looked for in Cholos and Chicanos was in this vagabond broken group of follower's of Jesus.
One time we played volleyball as a small group and Louie couldn't remember which park we had decided to play in. He shares how he was frantic to get to us. Not because of playing volleyball, but because he wanted to be around people that followed Jesus.
We all shared with Louie many times. He wanted to follow Jesus but at first he struggled with the idea of becoming a follower. Did this mean he had to turn his back on his family and heritage? To be Mexican is to be Catholic. What happens when you stop being Catholic? Do you stop being Mexican? It was a real struggle at first. But the more Louie read God's Word, the more he wanted Jesus.
Finally, on July 25, 1993, Louie gave his life to Jesus in the Baker's Square on Beverly Blvd. He and our pastor had gone to lunch together after church one Sunday and there on that crowded Sunday afternoon, Louie knew his Savior.
Many changes happened after that. Louie cleaned out his apartment of paraphernalia he was still holding onto. He sold an extensive gun collection (reminders of the violence) and began to make amends and ask forgiveness of those he had hurt.
The most confusing part for his parents was when Louie was baptized. They were unsure and hurt by his turning away from Catholicism. But they could not deny the huge changes they saw in his life.
One of the hardest things for Louie was to quit smoking. It took him three months of throwing away cigarettes and then returning to them again and again. He went back and forth until he completely released them to Jesus.
Louie forgave his father. He reconciled his relationship with his older brother who he hadn't spoken to in several years. And he told his family all about his relationship with Jesus.
The prevailing thought was, I have been forgiven so much. How can I not forgive anyone else?
"Even though I was once...a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life." (I Tim 1:13-16)
Anyone who knows Louie now, knows that he is the gentlest and kindest of men. The Lord has redeemed what was death and He has given Louie life. Jesus is his life.
I pray Louie's story is an example to you of Jesus' mercy and patience. There are none too far gone that the grace of Jesus cannot reach them.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Day Nineteen: Overwhelmed
**Extra bonus points if you can count how many times I use the phrase, "freaked out."
This blog is getting out of my control. In the first two weeks of this crazy commitment I have been having fun sharing with you all from my heart. It has been cathartic to release my ideas to you in this format. However, everyday more and more of you are "tuning in" to my nonsensical ramblings and it's starting to freak me out. At first I imagined my sister reading my blog each day and I just wrote as if she and I were having coffee in her kitchen.
But blogger has this thing called "Stats." It's little bits of information and lots and lots of graphs. The graphs show me what countries you all live in, what posts you are reading and worst of all how many of you are paying attention to this experiment each day. This is the part that is making me nervous. It's not just my sister and me in her kitchen anymore. In fact, it's getting kind of crowded in here.
I find myself fluctuating between extreme pressure to perform and a desire to hide and not come out. You might be asking, "What did you expect? This is the internet for goodness sake!" Do you use phrases like "goodness sake?" Because in my imagination, you do. And yes, you're right. What WAS I thinking?
I wasn't thinking. I was just doing. I'm a shoot then aim kind of gal. I "do" first then think. I really relate to Peter in the gospels. I want to be like the mature Peter in Acts, but I'm more along the lines of the "speak before thinking" Peter of the gospels. Peter is famous for his spontaneous outbursts, isn't he?
And yet, Peter was the first to jump out of the boat and walk on water because he moved before thinking. His spontaneous outburst was to run to Jesus, even if Jesus was standing in the middle the sea. He believed and moved while others were thinking. He experienced the joy of seeing His Jesus AND walking on water! In fact, when he started thinking he started sinking. No, I'm not purposefully trying to sound like Dr. Suess.
This blog is my spontaneous outburst. I asked Jesus, "What do you want me to do or not do for thirty days? I'll give up coffee if you ask me to, Jesus." But Jesus didn't ask me to give up coffee (huge sigh of relief). He asked me to blog for thirty straight days...to write out my heart. Without thinking I jumped in with both feet. Not a graceful thought out dive, but an unattractive full blown cannon ball.
And now, here I am in the middle of this sea of blogs. And I am beginning to look at the storm...What am I doing?...Where is this going?...Why are all these people reading this?... I'm tempted to take my eyes off of my Jesus and look at the storm. I'm tempted to give up. Because the truth is...I don't KNOW where this is going.
But I know if I keep my eyes on Jesus, I don't have to worry. I want a different ending to my story. What if Peter would have kept his eyes on Jesus and kept walking with Him? Where would they have gone? What would Jesus have said to Peter? I want to find out. He draws me to move with Him. He calls me to risk with Him and He smiles at me the whole way.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." (Heb 12:1-2a)
You all are my cloud of witnesses. Ahhh! That really freaks me out. But I will throw off this doubt that is tangling me all up and I will run the race Jesus has marked out for me. I will fix my eyes on Him and not be moved.
Will you walk with me on this adventure? I hope so. It freaks me out, but I really do like a crowded kitchen. The more the merrier, (insert squeaky voice) right?
Love from the islands,
Twyla
This blog is getting out of my control. In the first two weeks of this crazy commitment I have been having fun sharing with you all from my heart. It has been cathartic to release my ideas to you in this format. However, everyday more and more of you are "tuning in" to my nonsensical ramblings and it's starting to freak me out. At first I imagined my sister reading my blog each day and I just wrote as if she and I were having coffee in her kitchen.
But blogger has this thing called "Stats." It's little bits of information and lots and lots of graphs. The graphs show me what countries you all live in, what posts you are reading and worst of all how many of you are paying attention to this experiment each day. This is the part that is making me nervous. It's not just my sister and me in her kitchen anymore. In fact, it's getting kind of crowded in here.
I find myself fluctuating between extreme pressure to perform and a desire to hide and not come out. You might be asking, "What did you expect? This is the internet for goodness sake!" Do you use phrases like "goodness sake?" Because in my imagination, you do. And yes, you're right. What WAS I thinking?
I wasn't thinking. I was just doing. I'm a shoot then aim kind of gal. I "do" first then think. I really relate to Peter in the gospels. I want to be like the mature Peter in Acts, but I'm more along the lines of the "speak before thinking" Peter of the gospels. Peter is famous for his spontaneous outbursts, isn't he?
And yet, Peter was the first to jump out of the boat and walk on water because he moved before thinking. His spontaneous outburst was to run to Jesus, even if Jesus was standing in the middle the sea. He believed and moved while others were thinking. He experienced the joy of seeing His Jesus AND walking on water! In fact, when he started thinking he started sinking. No, I'm not purposefully trying to sound like Dr. Suess.
This blog is my spontaneous outburst. I asked Jesus, "What do you want me to do or not do for thirty days? I'll give up coffee if you ask me to, Jesus." But Jesus didn't ask me to give up coffee (huge sigh of relief). He asked me to blog for thirty straight days...to write out my heart. Without thinking I jumped in with both feet. Not a graceful thought out dive, but an unattractive full blown cannon ball.
And now, here I am in the middle of this sea of blogs. And I am beginning to look at the storm...What am I doing?...Where is this going?...Why are all these people reading this?... I'm tempted to take my eyes off of my Jesus and look at the storm. I'm tempted to give up. Because the truth is...I don't KNOW where this is going.
But I know if I keep my eyes on Jesus, I don't have to worry. I want a different ending to my story. What if Peter would have kept his eyes on Jesus and kept walking with Him? Where would they have gone? What would Jesus have said to Peter? I want to find out. He draws me to move with Him. He calls me to risk with Him and He smiles at me the whole way.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." (Heb 12:1-2a)
You all are my cloud of witnesses. Ahhh! That really freaks me out. But I will throw off this doubt that is tangling me all up and I will run the race Jesus has marked out for me. I will fix my eyes on Him and not be moved.
Will you walk with me on this adventure? I hope so. It freaks me out, but I really do like a crowded kitchen. The more the merrier, (insert squeaky voice) right?
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Day Eighteen: Call to Single Men Part 2
**Sorry about the fiasco of day seventeen. I've told you all before that I don't really know what I'm doing and I just proved it to you all yesterday. :)
I need some comedy relief today and this video hit the spot. On day seven I made a call to single men and said that Louie should lead a boot camp for said men. If he did do such a crazy thing, I think this video would be part of the curriculum. :)
Enjoy! This is some good stuff.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Friday, January 20, 2012
Day Seventeen: Lost in Space
Somehow my blog that I posted earlier this morning has disappeared. Ack! Sorry. It was entitled "The Great Romance" and it is missing. I will keep trying to fix it, but I wanted to post something for those of you looking for day seventeen. I will repost if I find it. Again, sorry!
**Update, I think I deleted it on accident. :/ I don't have time to re-write it...lesson learned, save posts somewhere else besides on the blog itself.
Just know that it was more about my Jesus and how he loves us. I read Hebrews 11 and 12 this morning and He spoke to me so clearly that seeking to know more about His discipline is a good thing and He disciplines us for our good. I will stay on this road of Spiritual Disciplines to see where He takes me.
Love you all and am grateful to be on this journey with you.
Love from the islands (again),
Twyla
**Update, I think I deleted it on accident. :/ I don't have time to re-write it...lesson learned, save posts somewhere else besides on the blog itself.
Just know that it was more about my Jesus and how he loves us. I read Hebrews 11 and 12 this morning and He spoke to me so clearly that seeking to know more about His discipline is a good thing and He disciplines us for our good. I will stay on this road of Spiritual Disciplines to see where He takes me.
Love you all and am grateful to be on this journey with you.
Love from the islands (again),
Twyla
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Day Sixteen: Spiritual Disciplines
This morning I have been thinking about spiritual disciplines. Is that supposed to be capitalized? Spiritual Disciplines...in my imagination they are capitalized because they seem so stern and adult-like. I've been afraid of "Spiritual Disciplines" (said in a loud deep voice). The words conjure up visions of crazy-eyed priests beating themselves with whips. I have an active imagination. I'm fairly certain I have lost track of what they truly are and what their purpose is in the believer's life.
Don't get me wrong. I do know something about them. I'm a freed legalist, so I have studied them and tried to follow them much of my life. But they were a list of rules to follow. If I fast, am silent (Ha!), study, confess, etc, etc...I will be...what will I be?...good?...accepted?...mature?
January is the "discipline" month, right? Isn't this the month we get back on the wagon in regard to eating, exercise, finances, Bible reading plans...Maybe that's why I am thinking about Spiritual Disciplines. I do know that there is something about them that draws me. What is it?
I want to be like Jesus. I want to know Him more and I know that the true goal of Spiritual Disciplines is Jesus Himself. So where do I start? The scriptures are a good place. Yesterday I read that Jesus was made perfect through suffering (Heb 2:10). Umm...I'm getting the vision of that crazy priest again. Lord, help! How do I find You through discipline when I am so afraid of suffering?
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matt 11:28:29)
Is the goal to rest in Jesus? Through Spiritual Disciplines will I find that He has a better "yoke" than I can imagine...even with my imagination? I do want to learn from Him.
I'm going to embark on a quest to find out what Spiritual Disciplines are all about. Do you want to join me? I just got the book, The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. It's about Spiritual Disciplines and comes highly recommended by many people. Have any of you read it? What are your thoughts? I liked the book review I read about it. It said, "The disciplines are neither taskmasters nor an end in themselves. Rather they are exercises that build strength and endurance for the road of growth."
I like that. Sigh. I can do that. I will take on Jesus' work for me and will learn from Him. I can trust Him.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Don't get me wrong. I do know something about them. I'm a freed legalist, so I have studied them and tried to follow them much of my life. But they were a list of rules to follow. If I fast, am silent (Ha!), study, confess, etc, etc...I will be...what will I be?...good?...accepted?...mature?
January is the "discipline" month, right? Isn't this the month we get back on the wagon in regard to eating, exercise, finances, Bible reading plans...Maybe that's why I am thinking about Spiritual Disciplines. I do know that there is something about them that draws me. What is it?
I want to be like Jesus. I want to know Him more and I know that the true goal of Spiritual Disciplines is Jesus Himself. So where do I start? The scriptures are a good place. Yesterday I read that Jesus was made perfect through suffering (Heb 2:10). Umm...I'm getting the vision of that crazy priest again. Lord, help! How do I find You through discipline when I am so afraid of suffering?
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matt 11:28:29)
Is the goal to rest in Jesus? Through Spiritual Disciplines will I find that He has a better "yoke" than I can imagine...even with my imagination? I do want to learn from Him.
I'm going to embark on a quest to find out what Spiritual Disciplines are all about. Do you want to join me? I just got the book, The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. It's about Spiritual Disciplines and comes highly recommended by many people. Have any of you read it? What are your thoughts? I liked the book review I read about it. It said, "The disciplines are neither taskmasters nor an end in themselves. Rather they are exercises that build strength and endurance for the road of growth."
I like that. Sigh. I can do that. I will take on Jesus' work for me and will learn from Him. I can trust Him.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Day Fifteen: A Worn, Taped Up Little NIV
Today I read Hebrews 1-6. Yes, I am still finishing up my Bible reading plan of 2011. I just can't seem to read through the letters to the church in quick succession. There is so much meat in these small books (well in the whole Bible, right?) and it is taking me much longer than what the reading plan suggests. But as I've stated before, the reading plan is a guide and I'm going to take these last days slowly, savoring the words and the conviction it is producing in my soul.
"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double edged-sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)
Isn't it amazing that we have access to the Word of God? What a blessing and a treasure. Sometimes in the mornings I will just sit with the Bible in my hand and look at it. What joy fills my soul as I think that I am about to read God's words to me for today. Many mornings I am brought to tears as I drink my coffee and think of the wonderful privilege that is mine to have the entire word of God at my finger tips.
What will you say today, Jesus? What promise do you have for me? What needs changing? What warning do you have for me? These are all whispered prayers that escape my lips as I hold my worn, taped up little NIV.
It's exciting to think about meeting Jesus everyday in His Word. We can be assured that He WILL speak each and everyday. Yes, there are dry times that inevitably come along. But even in those times I can look back at my journal and see that He just kept repeating a word to me until I obeyed it. What I thought was a dry time was really just Jesus waiting on me to move with Him.
One morning when Chloe and Sam were four and two, I read Psalm 118. When I read this encouraging Psalm, my heart began to feel that the Lord was really warning me to take courage for that day. I sensed that something difficult would happen soon.
The Psalm goes on and on about the Lord's help, strength and salvation. There are shouts of joy and victory because the Lord has brought the Psalmist through a difficult battle with his enemies. And then there is:
17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.
Louie was laid off work that day from a job he had had for seventeen years. When Louie called me to tell me, I was not crushed or even fearful. I was actually excited. What was God doing? What did he have in store for us? I felt in my spirit that Jesus was paving the way for us to finally go overseas, and "proclaim what the Lord has done." The Lord had not only prepared me for the news but had instilled in me a sense of joy and expectation. That was two years before Louie got on the plane to Southeast Asia to work in the tsunami zone. Praise Him!
"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Psalm 119:103)
Love from the islands,
Twyla
"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double edged-sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (Hebrews 4:12)
Isn't it amazing that we have access to the Word of God? What a blessing and a treasure. Sometimes in the mornings I will just sit with the Bible in my hand and look at it. What joy fills my soul as I think that I am about to read God's words to me for today. Many mornings I am brought to tears as I drink my coffee and think of the wonderful privilege that is mine to have the entire word of God at my finger tips.
What will you say today, Jesus? What promise do you have for me? What needs changing? What warning do you have for me? These are all whispered prayers that escape my lips as I hold my worn, taped up little NIV.
It's exciting to think about meeting Jesus everyday in His Word. We can be assured that He WILL speak each and everyday. Yes, there are dry times that inevitably come along. But even in those times I can look back at my journal and see that He just kept repeating a word to me until I obeyed it. What I thought was a dry time was really just Jesus waiting on me to move with Him.
One morning when Chloe and Sam were four and two, I read Psalm 118. When I read this encouraging Psalm, my heart began to feel that the Lord was really warning me to take courage for that day. I sensed that something difficult would happen soon.
5 In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free.
6 The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
7 The Lord is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.The Psalm goes on and on about the Lord's help, strength and salvation. There are shouts of joy and victory because the Lord has brought the Psalmist through a difficult battle with his enemies. And then there is:
17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.
Louie was laid off work that day from a job he had had for seventeen years. When Louie called me to tell me, I was not crushed or even fearful. I was actually excited. What was God doing? What did he have in store for us? I felt in my spirit that Jesus was paving the way for us to finally go overseas, and "proclaim what the Lord has done." The Lord had not only prepared me for the news but had instilled in me a sense of joy and expectation. That was two years before Louie got on the plane to Southeast Asia to work in the tsunami zone. Praise Him!
"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Psalm 119:103)
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Day Fourteen: Chloe
Chloe has a heart to adopt. She has been after me and Louie to adopt a baby since she was four or five years old. She has the gift of mercy. She has a heart to feed the hungry. She has a heart to give medical care to those without it. She has a heart for the world.
Knowing all of this about Chloe, my friend Jana, asked me if I had heard about Katie Davis, the young woman in the video below. She is following her Jesus as best as she knows how. She is an inspiration. Please watch it, but be warned. You will be left desiring more from your life and for your life.
When I first watched this I thought, Katie is the perfect person for that job. God created her to love and show mercy. God created her for the perfect work at the perfect time. But isn't that true for all of us? Hasn't he created us all to do good works created for us in Christ Jesus (Eph 2:10)?
What is it He has created you to do? Is there a dream you have had, but have not chased after it? Is there something Jesus has called you to do, but you think it too extreme or crazy? If it is biblical and it is from Him, there is nothing He can't do through you.
Katie is a great role model for my Chloe. I want to put before her all kinds of people who are following Jesus passionately. Chloe has already asked me if we can volunteer for Amazima ministries with Katie. We're going to be following this young woman with much interest in the coming years.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Eph 3:20-21)
"...throughout all generations..." You are never too young or too old to chase your Jesus. Let's see where He leads us! Won't this be fun?!!
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Monday, January 16, 2012
Day Thirteen: Chasing Jesus
"I run in the paths of your commands for you have set my heart free." (Psalm 119:32)
This verse has become, over the years, our family theme. It is what we fall back on whenever we are facing difficult choices and decisions. We first used it to help us make the decision to come to Southeast Asia.
The tsunami of 2004 devastated many parts of Southeast Asia. Louie was glued to the television set that Christmas night of 2004. His heart was torn and broken over the loss of life and physical destruction. But what could we do sitting in Los Angeles? There was a need for immediate action and we were stuck in middle class American life. Three weeks after the tsunami Louie was on a plane to Southeast Asia.
Why? What could possibly motivate a man to pick up and leave like that? Only Jesus can do that. Only following Him with all you have can cause grown people to change their entire lives and redirect all their efforts. In our family we call it, "Chasing Jesus." Whenever there is a call to do something that is beyond ourselves or our ability, we call each other to, "run in the paths of His commands for He has set our hearts free." We want to live in a constant state of gratefulness that causes the hardships or trials of following Him to dim in the presence of His glorious grace in our lives.
"Chasing Jesus," doesn't that sound fun? I imagine playing "Chase" with Jesus. He's laughing and running to broken person after broken person looking to see if we will follow Him in this marvelous adventure. Will we camp on the beach in a broken part of the tsunami devastation? Will we get eaten up by bugs and be taken advantage of by those we trust in the culture? Yes! Because we chase Him. We long to continue on the adventure with Him.
These verses have also set in motion a desire to not "straddle the fence" of obedience. Many times I find myself looking at the other side...you know the "grass is greener," other side. I know Jesus has called me to this side of the fence, but boy, that other side can sure look good. This life of always wanting the other side can be life-draining. If I am lingering at the fence looking at what I want instead of running in His commands I am missing that great adventure of His path. I want to leave the fence and run as far as I can in His commands. Why? Because He has set my heart free.
What waits for me at the end of the path? Jesus! "...set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." I see glimpses of Him and it moves me forward..."Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:8-9, 13)
Do my writings seem like "pie in the sky" sometimes? I worry about that. That you will think I am just an emotional, crazy person. But then verses like the one above remind me that I AM out of my mind and that I do love Him and am filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. My inadequate words are just the tip of the iceberg of trying to describe what is inexpressible.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
This verse has become, over the years, our family theme. It is what we fall back on whenever we are facing difficult choices and decisions. We first used it to help us make the decision to come to Southeast Asia.
The tsunami of 2004 devastated many parts of Southeast Asia. Louie was glued to the television set that Christmas night of 2004. His heart was torn and broken over the loss of life and physical destruction. But what could we do sitting in Los Angeles? There was a need for immediate action and we were stuck in middle class American life. Three weeks after the tsunami Louie was on a plane to Southeast Asia.
Why? What could possibly motivate a man to pick up and leave like that? Only Jesus can do that. Only following Him with all you have can cause grown people to change their entire lives and redirect all their efforts. In our family we call it, "Chasing Jesus." Whenever there is a call to do something that is beyond ourselves or our ability, we call each other to, "run in the paths of His commands for He has set our hearts free." We want to live in a constant state of gratefulness that causes the hardships or trials of following Him to dim in the presence of His glorious grace in our lives.
"Chasing Jesus," doesn't that sound fun? I imagine playing "Chase" with Jesus. He's laughing and running to broken person after broken person looking to see if we will follow Him in this marvelous adventure. Will we camp on the beach in a broken part of the tsunami devastation? Will we get eaten up by bugs and be taken advantage of by those we trust in the culture? Yes! Because we chase Him. We long to continue on the adventure with Him.
These verses have also set in motion a desire to not "straddle the fence" of obedience. Many times I find myself looking at the other side...you know the "grass is greener," other side. I know Jesus has called me to this side of the fence, but boy, that other side can sure look good. This life of always wanting the other side can be life-draining. If I am lingering at the fence looking at what I want instead of running in His commands I am missing that great adventure of His path. I want to leave the fence and run as far as I can in His commands. Why? Because He has set my heart free.
What waits for me at the end of the path? Jesus! "...set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed." I see glimpses of Him and it moves me forward..."Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:8-9, 13)
Do my writings seem like "pie in the sky" sometimes? I worry about that. That you will think I am just an emotional, crazy person. But then verses like the one above remind me that I AM out of my mind and that I do love Him and am filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy. My inadequate words are just the tip of the iceberg of trying to describe what is inexpressible.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Day Twelve: Coffee
"Drink Coffee. Do stupid things faster with more energy."
I pinned this saying to my pinterest account awhile back. It was a funny joke. Ha! It's an exaggeration right?
I love coffee. I have always loved coffee. I grew up in Latin America for goodness sake. I started drinking my dad's espresso when I was five years old. I googled adjectives to describe coffee and this is what I got..."It's hot, smooth, aromatic, floral, bold, rich, and brisk." Yum! I even became a barista. It is the best job I have ever had next to being a kindergarten teacher.
Caffeine has never affected me until this last year. I used to say that holding my caffeine was my super power. I could drink a double espresso an hour before bedtime and not blink an eye. I couldn't, I would already be asleep.
But this last year something weird started happening to my body. I turned forty-four and I couldn't tolerate the caffeine anymore. What??!!! (said through sobs) I began to feel really bad every afternoon and it wasn't until I quit drinking coffee that it got better.
At this point an inspiring blog would say that I quit drinking coffee and have felt amazing ever since. Well, hopefully you know me well enough by now to know that a great big confession is about to pop up. I didn't want to let it go. So I changed coffee brands and that helped a bit. I only drink coffee in the morning and I can tolerate it better now. However, it's not exactly as good as I feel when I am completely on the wagon.
Ok, so fast forward to a couple of days ago. I drank a big (BIG) cup of coffee at three o'clock in the afternoon to give me some energy for the evening. I had already had a cup in the morning, so this was my second cup...yes, yes, the second cup that I'm not supposed to have...and yes, yes, the afternoon coffee that I'm not supposed to have.
That night I was so wired that I could hardly be civil to people. Do you remember that scene in Captain America where Dr. Erskine says, "The serum amplifies everything that is inside. So good becomes great and bad becomes worse." Well, my "serum" amplified everything that was bad in me.
Seriously, I argued with people and gave my opinion to every little conversation without regard to how offensive I was being. Ugh! I look back on that night and want to take it all back. My poor husband got the brunt of the Mr. Hyde in me. Poor guy. But it wasn't just Louie that I was ugly to. There were some dear friends that got the tip of my overly wired impatient, sarcastic self. And worst of all I was outwardly angry with some people that don't know Jesus.
Do you ever have one of those nights? I am responsible for my behavior. The coffee didn't make me do it. It just enhanced it a bit. The sin was mine. I have since gone to Louie and one of my friends to confess and ask forgiveness. There are a couple more I need to see and I will especially go to my young friend that doesn't know Jesus and ask her to forgive me.
This is my ugly truth. But life on the Way is not about being perfect. It's about making things right at all costs. And about following Jesus in His kindness, His mercy and His forgiveness.
"But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." (Titus 3:4) Thanks be to Jesus!
Love from the islands,
Twyla
I pinned this saying to my pinterest account awhile back. It was a funny joke. Ha! It's an exaggeration right?
I love coffee. I have always loved coffee. I grew up in Latin America for goodness sake. I started drinking my dad's espresso when I was five years old. I googled adjectives to describe coffee and this is what I got..."It's hot, smooth, aromatic, floral, bold, rich, and brisk." Yum! I even became a barista. It is the best job I have ever had next to being a kindergarten teacher.
Caffeine has never affected me until this last year. I used to say that holding my caffeine was my super power. I could drink a double espresso an hour before bedtime and not blink an eye. I couldn't, I would already be asleep.
But this last year something weird started happening to my body. I turned forty-four and I couldn't tolerate the caffeine anymore. What??!!! (said through sobs) I began to feel really bad every afternoon and it wasn't until I quit drinking coffee that it got better.
At this point an inspiring blog would say that I quit drinking coffee and have felt amazing ever since. Well, hopefully you know me well enough by now to know that a great big confession is about to pop up. I didn't want to let it go. So I changed coffee brands and that helped a bit. I only drink coffee in the morning and I can tolerate it better now. However, it's not exactly as good as I feel when I am completely on the wagon.
Ok, so fast forward to a couple of days ago. I drank a big (BIG) cup of coffee at three o'clock in the afternoon to give me some energy for the evening. I had already had a cup in the morning, so this was my second cup...yes, yes, the second cup that I'm not supposed to have...and yes, yes, the afternoon coffee that I'm not supposed to have.
That night I was so wired that I could hardly be civil to people. Do you remember that scene in Captain America where Dr. Erskine says, "The serum amplifies everything that is inside. So good becomes great and bad becomes worse." Well, my "serum" amplified everything that was bad in me.
Seriously, I argued with people and gave my opinion to every little conversation without regard to how offensive I was being. Ugh! I look back on that night and want to take it all back. My poor husband got the brunt of the Mr. Hyde in me. Poor guy. But it wasn't just Louie that I was ugly to. There were some dear friends that got the tip of my overly wired impatient, sarcastic self. And worst of all I was outwardly angry with some people that don't know Jesus.
Do you ever have one of those nights? I am responsible for my behavior. The coffee didn't make me do it. It just enhanced it a bit. The sin was mine. I have since gone to Louie and one of my friends to confess and ask forgiveness. There are a couple more I need to see and I will especially go to my young friend that doesn't know Jesus and ask her to forgive me.
This is my ugly truth. But life on the Way is not about being perfect. It's about making things right at all costs. And about following Jesus in His kindness, His mercy and His forgiveness.
"But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." (Titus 3:4) Thanks be to Jesus!
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Day Eleven: Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus || Spoken Word
I'm going to take a break from my usual format today. Enjoy!
Oh my word! This video by bball1989 has gone viral on facebook. This is why we boast in weaknesses...
"Spent my whole life building this facade of neatness but now that I know Jesus I boast in my weakness."
What is Jesus doing with this truth? It's going viral because we are tired of pretending that we have it all together. We can't do it anymore. We need Jesus.
"I don't have to hide my failure, I don't have to hide my sin. Because it doesn't depend on me. It depends on Him."
Many people have given up finding hope for their lives. Let's shout it from the mountain tops. There is hope in Jesus!
"Religion says do. Jesus says done. Religion says slave. Jesus says son. Religion puts you in bondage while Jesus sets you free. Religion make you blind but Jesus makes you see."
Enough said. "Jesus sets you free."
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Day Ten: Sam
I asked Sam's permission to post this...I stated in an earlier blog that I would not post about Team Castro's weaknesses. I would like to amend that. Sometimes our weaknesses produce in us and others a harvest of righteousness. I will only post what Team Castro gives permission to post and I will only share what in the end is encouraging to all of us...
Sam came to know Jesus when he was just 5 years old. He was under great conviction when he told us he wanted to give his life to Jesus. We were stunned as we watched him empty his heart out to the Lord at such a young age.
Sam is a normal xbox-playing, sister-tormenting, chore-forgetting boy. He marches to the beat of his own harmonica as our friend, Amber, likes to say. He is his own man through and through. And yet, in all this normalness lies a sensitive spirit that longs to please Jesus.
Recently Sam came to me after he had gone to bed for the night and asked if we could talk somewhere private. We went in my bedroom and Sam confessed to cheating in homeschool. In his independent study time he had marked some things as correct that were wrong so he wouldn't have to correct them. He shared how as he was praying in bed God had reminded him of this infraction. He asked me to forgive him and asked me to help him by correcting his independent work for him so that he wouldn't be tempted to cheat again. As we talked I assured him of my forgiveness and God's wonderful love for him in showing him his sin and calling him back into fellowship with Him.
The next morning as we were going over the "Jesus speaking" journals, I opened Sam's journal. Instead of a sentence, Sam had written one word, "Forgiven." One small word. One small word that preached a sermon.
Do you need that sermon today? I know I need it everyday. A reminder that when we give our lives to Jesus we are forgiven and cleansed of all sins past and future. Praise Him!
Those who look to Him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame (Psalm 34:5).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. I'm one-third through my 30 day commitment and I have to say it is so fun! Thank you all for listening to this fiery heart.
Sam came to know Jesus when he was just 5 years old. He was under great conviction when he told us he wanted to give his life to Jesus. We were stunned as we watched him empty his heart out to the Lord at such a young age.
Sam is a normal xbox-playing, sister-tormenting, chore-forgetting boy. He marches to the beat of his own harmonica as our friend, Amber, likes to say. He is his own man through and through. And yet, in all this normalness lies a sensitive spirit that longs to please Jesus.
Recently Sam came to me after he had gone to bed for the night and asked if we could talk somewhere private. We went in my bedroom and Sam confessed to cheating in homeschool. In his independent study time he had marked some things as correct that were wrong so he wouldn't have to correct them. He shared how as he was praying in bed God had reminded him of this infraction. He asked me to forgive him and asked me to help him by correcting his independent work for him so that he wouldn't be tempted to cheat again. As we talked I assured him of my forgiveness and God's wonderful love for him in showing him his sin and calling him back into fellowship with Him.
The next morning as we were going over the "Jesus speaking" journals, I opened Sam's journal. Instead of a sentence, Sam had written one word, "Forgiven." One small word. One small word that preached a sermon.
Do you need that sermon today? I know I need it everyday. A reminder that when we give our lives to Jesus we are forgiven and cleansed of all sins past and future. Praise Him!
Those who look to Him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame (Psalm 34:5).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. I'm one-third through my 30 day commitment and I have to say it is so fun! Thank you all for listening to this fiery heart.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Day Nine: A Call to Families
God sets the lonely in families... Psalm 68:6
Yesterday I called single women to connect to a family they respect to help with loneliness. But as I thought through that advice it struck me that many would find that intimidating. Initiating a relationship or asking for a family to care for them and invest in them would be awkward. I still stand by that advice as I think it is important to put yourselves in places you can meet and get to know families (as in a small group or serving at a fellowship). But I think the bulk of the responsibility for investing in lonely people falls on the families themselves.
When my kiddos were small I struggled with the prevailing "spiritual" teaching of that time, "my family is my ministry." On the surface this has an appearance of wisdom. We should care for our families. We should make them a priority. But the underlying thought is, "I am exempt from other responsibilities because I am caring for a family." How will our children learn to love others, serve others and bear with others if they do not see it lived out in our own lives? Now, before you get angry with me, :/ let me say that I am not talking about leading a time consuming ministry in your fellowship. I am talking of looking for those around you that need the love of a family. Can I give you some examples?
Dear friends, this is SO important. There is a world of lonely people desperate for the love of a family. Allowing people into our lives can disturb our schedules, take our energy and drive us crazy. But is there anything more glorious than giving up my desires to follow Him?
What are your giftings and passions? How can you use those to bless others? Here are some ideas of how to serve others with your children. This is just a small list:
1. Take a meal to a sick neighbor.
2. Invite a single to your home for dinner. Consider investing in them. Go for coffee, play games...
3. Take a meal to homeless person who is begging.
4. Invite those who have no place to go for the holidays into your traditions.
5. Find out about international students in your area. Go looking for them. They don't know how to find you.
6. What can you do for a single mom? Mow her lawn? Watch her kids? Give her a day to herself?
7. Find a refugee ministry and volunteer.
I want my children to see me care for others, have them in my home, serve them and love them. I want them to know that Jesus is real, His Word is real and following Him is an adventure. It's a risk. It's life-giving.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Yesterday I called single women to connect to a family they respect to help with loneliness. But as I thought through that advice it struck me that many would find that intimidating. Initiating a relationship or asking for a family to care for them and invest in them would be awkward. I still stand by that advice as I think it is important to put yourselves in places you can meet and get to know families (as in a small group or serving at a fellowship). But I think the bulk of the responsibility for investing in lonely people falls on the families themselves.
When my kiddos were small I struggled with the prevailing "spiritual" teaching of that time, "my family is my ministry." On the surface this has an appearance of wisdom. We should care for our families. We should make them a priority. But the underlying thought is, "I am exempt from other responsibilities because I am caring for a family." How will our children learn to love others, serve others and bear with others if they do not see it lived out in our own lives? Now, before you get angry with me, :/ let me say that I am not talking about leading a time consuming ministry in your fellowship. I am talking of looking for those around you that need the love of a family. Can I give you some examples?
- When I was in high school we lived near a big Naval base. During the holidays my mom would have young men over who had no where else to go. That example has influenced me so much. I long for the lonely ones around me to have a place to call home during the holidays. My mom did not lead a great ministry, she worked full time. But she left a great legacy in my life to look for the lonely.
- My dad was always trying to get us to serve at homeless shelters. As teenagers we were very resistant. But one year he forced us to go on Thanksgiving. Of course it was a knock in the head for me. I later worked in an inner city with all kinds of homeless people. My mom and dad's convictions were that their family was their ministry. Their ministry was to teach us how to love and serve the lonely. They shaped me and my siblings to be outward focused and to reach out beyond ourselves.
- My sister takes her kids to clean and work in an inner city school. She has taken responsibility to invest in a girl at that school. For at least 5 years she has been her friend, provided her needs and shared Jesus with her.
- When Chloe and Sam were babies we had international students live with us. Yes, it was more work and yes there were times I wanted it to be just Louie, the kids and me. But there were also times of great joy as we got to know these young people and introduced them to the love of Jesus and the love of a family. Chloe and Sam were introduced to new cultures and new food. They loved these students who gave me time to cook dinner many nights because they played with my babies.
- I love the trend these days in followers of Jesus to legally adopt children. It is biblical and it is beautiful.
Dear friends, this is SO important. There is a world of lonely people desperate for the love of a family. Allowing people into our lives can disturb our schedules, take our energy and drive us crazy. But is there anything more glorious than giving up my desires to follow Him?
What are your giftings and passions? How can you use those to bless others? Here are some ideas of how to serve others with your children. This is just a small list:
1. Take a meal to a sick neighbor.
2. Invite a single to your home for dinner. Consider investing in them. Go for coffee, play games...
3. Take a meal to homeless person who is begging.
4. Invite those who have no place to go for the holidays into your traditions.
5. Find out about international students in your area. Go looking for them. They don't know how to find you.
6. What can you do for a single mom? Mow her lawn? Watch her kids? Give her a day to herself?
7. Find a refugee ministry and volunteer.
I want my children to see me care for others, have them in my home, serve them and love them. I want them to know that Jesus is real, His Word is real and following Him is an adventure. It's a risk. It's life-giving.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Day Eight: A Call to Single Women
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
When I was single, I was BOY CRAZY! That is to say internally I was boy (or relationship) crazy. Outwardly I looked like a very content happy go lucky girl who was perfectly happy being single. Internally, however, I was constantly on the look out for the "cute" guy. I think the term is "hot" these days. This is a pretty universal malady. Most single women will not admit it, but we all suffer from it at some point or other.
Here are the symptoms of boy craziness: When you enter a room at work or church your eyes are scanning to look for who is there. When alone your thoughts are on your last relationship or the desire for the next one. You watch tv shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette (yes, you're out there whether you admit it or not), you settle for dating (or marrying) a dud because you want a relationship so badly. You want to be chosen. So much so that you put yourself in all kinds of situations just waiting for someone to "choose" you.
In my boy craziness God called me to LA. While in LA God began to ever so gently show me that in the state of always looking for a relationship, I was missing out on the treasure and joy of His relationship with me. I was convicted that so much of my time and energy went to thinking about possibilities in dating that there was nothing of consequence left for Him. He asked me to give Him my heart completely. He was jealous for me.
I knew myself. I knew that the only way I could totally give my heart to Him would be to take a fast from dating...not that I was dating. I wasn't. But the possibility of dating was always a lure and I knew if I took away the possibility then I would be more likely to focus on my Jesus. So, I gave Him a year.
What did I learn in that year? I learned that He is enough. He is the giver of all good things and that I would much rather follow Him alone that be stuck in a marriage with "Joe Blow church-goer." I learned that my "list of what I wanted in a husband" (don't we all have those?) was so far below Jesus' list for my husband. His list is all about Him! And best of all, I knew that He chose me before the foundations of the world were set. He chose me. He longed for me.
Based on these truths...I call you, dear single friends, guard your hearts, set your hearts on things above.
Some of you may be thinking that those are hollow words for your soul right now. You are hurt. You are lonely. Please know that I get it. I remember the tears. I remember the loneliness. But there are some things in life that we must believe in even when all circumstances and "feelings" prove otherwise.
I don't want to leave you with just a "pep-talk." Here are a few practical ideas that may help you in your loneliness. These are in no particular order:
1. Connect yourself to a strong, Biblical fellowship.
2. Serve in that fellowship.
3. Connect to an outward focused small group. Outward focused people are great to hang around with. You learn to think of others and think less of your circumstances.
4. Connect to a family. Look for a family you respect and look up to. Hang out with them and learn how they interact. Over the years Jesus has given us some "adopted daughters." Those women have become family to us. I think I need to write "A Call to Families" so that they will love on single women. If you find it hard to do this one, contact me. I would love to have at least an email or facebook friendship with you.
5. Stay in the Word. Stay connected to your Jesus. He is yours. He has chosen you.
I love you, friends. I long for you. I pray that you might have power to grasp how wide and how long and how high and how deep is the love of Jesus (Eph 3:18).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
When I was single, I was BOY CRAZY! That is to say internally I was boy (or relationship) crazy. Outwardly I looked like a very content happy go lucky girl who was perfectly happy being single. Internally, however, I was constantly on the look out for the "cute" guy. I think the term is "hot" these days. This is a pretty universal malady. Most single women will not admit it, but we all suffer from it at some point or other.
Here are the symptoms of boy craziness: When you enter a room at work or church your eyes are scanning to look for who is there. When alone your thoughts are on your last relationship or the desire for the next one. You watch tv shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette (yes, you're out there whether you admit it or not), you settle for dating (or marrying) a dud because you want a relationship so badly. You want to be chosen. So much so that you put yourself in all kinds of situations just waiting for someone to "choose" you.
In my boy craziness God called me to LA. While in LA God began to ever so gently show me that in the state of always looking for a relationship, I was missing out on the treasure and joy of His relationship with me. I was convicted that so much of my time and energy went to thinking about possibilities in dating that there was nothing of consequence left for Him. He asked me to give Him my heart completely. He was jealous for me.
I knew myself. I knew that the only way I could totally give my heart to Him would be to take a fast from dating...not that I was dating. I wasn't. But the possibility of dating was always a lure and I knew if I took away the possibility then I would be more likely to focus on my Jesus. So, I gave Him a year.
What did I learn in that year? I learned that He is enough. He is the giver of all good things and that I would much rather follow Him alone that be stuck in a marriage with "Joe Blow church-goer." I learned that my "list of what I wanted in a husband" (don't we all have those?) was so far below Jesus' list for my husband. His list is all about Him! And best of all, I knew that He chose me before the foundations of the world were set. He chose me. He longed for me.
Based on these truths...I call you, dear single friends, guard your hearts, set your hearts on things above.
Some of you may be thinking that those are hollow words for your soul right now. You are hurt. You are lonely. Please know that I get it. I remember the tears. I remember the loneliness. But there are some things in life that we must believe in even when all circumstances and "feelings" prove otherwise.
I don't want to leave you with just a "pep-talk." Here are a few practical ideas that may help you in your loneliness. These are in no particular order:
1. Connect yourself to a strong, Biblical fellowship.
2. Serve in that fellowship.
3. Connect to an outward focused small group. Outward focused people are great to hang around with. You learn to think of others and think less of your circumstances.
4. Connect to a family. Look for a family you respect and look up to. Hang out with them and learn how they interact. Over the years Jesus has given us some "adopted daughters." Those women have become family to us. I think I need to write "A Call to Families" so that they will love on single women. If you find it hard to do this one, contact me. I would love to have at least an email or facebook friendship with you.
5. Stay in the Word. Stay connected to your Jesus. He is yours. He has chosen you.
I love you, friends. I long for you. I pray that you might have power to grasp how wide and how long and how high and how deep is the love of Jesus (Eph 3:18).
Love from the islands,
Twyla
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Day Seven: A Call To Single Men
My Latin Man is a Marine. You never say, "was a Marine." Because once a Marine, always a Marine. He's tough, he's disciplined and he's serious. He was a door gunner which is that cool job of sitting in the side of a helicopter with a ginormous gun. It's one of the many reasons I fell in love with him. He's just so tough and manly.
I've been thinking lately that Louie should run a boot camp for single men. We need someone to take on the responsibility of shaping young men today. Let me say that I feel for single men of this generation because they have not been taught the art of godly manliness ("the art of manliness" is a term I got from a website of the same name). Since my single/dating days I have observed a real deficit in the discipleship and training of single men.
When Louie was a new believer he was in a prayer group of single men who had all been believers for some time. He shared with this group of single men that he wanted to be married and asked their advice. The single men told him to pray about it. They had all been praying for their future wives for some time. So Louie prayed. He asked God to show him how to follow Him and how to approach the whole dating scene as His follower. Two and half years later Louie and I married. The prayer group of single men were all still praying and still single. They all wondered why this new follower of Christ found his bride so quickly.
Louie came to Jesus when he was 31 years old. He had a whole lifetime of what he calls a living death. He was so grateful for the life he found in Jesus. That gratefulness and passion for Jesus propelled every area of his life. It propelled his manliness and passion. What does Jesus-following manliness look like? It is lived out in pursuing and rescuing. Protecting and loving. He pursued me and he got me. :) Our romance is another (long) story that I will save for another day.
The prayer group of single men were praying and waiting. They were not pursuing godly women. They were waiting on God to "give" them a wife. They were waiting on the Proverbs 31 woman. These men need to be told that life in Jesus for a man is denying self for the sake of others. It is pursuing Jesus and taking risks. It is living by passionate faith. Women long for these men to be passionate followers of Jesus.
Come on men! The world is waiting for you to man-up and pursue your Jesus. We need you!
*disclaimer* I'll be writing a call to single women tomorrow.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. I say if a man wants a Proverbs 31 woman, he better be a Proverbs 1-30 man. :)
I've been thinking lately that Louie should run a boot camp for single men. We need someone to take on the responsibility of shaping young men today. Let me say that I feel for single men of this generation because they have not been taught the art of godly manliness ("the art of manliness" is a term I got from a website of the same name). Since my single/dating days I have observed a real deficit in the discipleship and training of single men.
When Louie was a new believer he was in a prayer group of single men who had all been believers for some time. He shared with this group of single men that he wanted to be married and asked their advice. The single men told him to pray about it. They had all been praying for their future wives for some time. So Louie prayed. He asked God to show him how to follow Him and how to approach the whole dating scene as His follower. Two and half years later Louie and I married. The prayer group of single men were all still praying and still single. They all wondered why this new follower of Christ found his bride so quickly.
Louie came to Jesus when he was 31 years old. He had a whole lifetime of what he calls a living death. He was so grateful for the life he found in Jesus. That gratefulness and passion for Jesus propelled every area of his life. It propelled his manliness and passion. What does Jesus-following manliness look like? It is lived out in pursuing and rescuing. Protecting and loving. He pursued me and he got me. :) Our romance is another (long) story that I will save for another day.
The prayer group of single men were praying and waiting. They were not pursuing godly women. They were waiting on God to "give" them a wife. They were waiting on the Proverbs 31 woman. These men need to be told that life in Jesus for a man is denying self for the sake of others. It is pursuing Jesus and taking risks. It is living by passionate faith. Women long for these men to be passionate followers of Jesus.
Come on men! The world is waiting for you to man-up and pursue your Jesus. We need you!
*disclaimer* I'll be writing a call to single women tomorrow.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. I say if a man wants a Proverbs 31 woman, he better be a Proverbs 1-30 man. :)
Monday, January 9, 2012
Dave Six: Blog as You Wog
I have a raging case of writer's block today. In the last five days I have written to you from my heart. The posts have not been planned or premeditated. They flowed out of my times with Jesus. They were about my heart and they wrote themselves. In the past month I have had lots of time in the mornings to talk to Jesus, do laundry and make big breakfasts. Today we began a full school schedule, I went wogging (walk/jogging...I love this word) and ran to the grocery store (not literally, I took the car. I can't run. I'm incapable. See before mentioned bit on wogging). Gone are the relaxed mornings of the holidays. I'm back in high gear. With our schedule picking up again I'm asking myself where will I find the time to write? I spoke to Jesus this morning. It went something like this:
"Hi Lord. I have lots to do today so let's get this thing going...what's up?...um...ok...well, I'm going to read Your Word...ok...interesting...anything else?...ok, well I gotta go shopping and make our spelling list for today."
No wonder I have nothing to write about.
But does my friendship with Jesus only come from my morning time with Him? Does He only speak to me when I am a good girl and give Him quality and quantity time? I think days like today are why Paul told the Thessalonians to pray continually (1 Thess 4:17). As I go through my day I can speak to Him in the car, at the grocery store and as I teach grammar. He speaks to me about joy in our family devotion. He reminds me of topics for the blog as I wog. Ha! Blog as I wog. In fact, He doesn't ever stop communicating His love and passion for me. "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zeph 3:17)
In a moment we can be in His presence. In the time it takes me to say, "Jesus!" He is with me. Praise Him. And when I am suffering from writer's block He tells me, "Write about writer's block." He used my friend, Darlene's voice to say it to me, but it was from Him.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. Some of you have communicated that you cannot leave comments. I'm sorry. I'm new to this here high tech world of blogs. I think I fixed the problem. If you had problems in the past it may be fixed. I give no guarantees as I don't really know what I'm doing.
"Hi Lord. I have lots to do today so let's get this thing going...what's up?...um...ok...well, I'm going to read Your Word...ok...interesting...anything else?...ok, well I gotta go shopping and make our spelling list for today."
No wonder I have nothing to write about.
But does my friendship with Jesus only come from my morning time with Him? Does He only speak to me when I am a good girl and give Him quality and quantity time? I think days like today are why Paul told the Thessalonians to pray continually (1 Thess 4:17). As I go through my day I can speak to Him in the car, at the grocery store and as I teach grammar. He speaks to me about joy in our family devotion. He reminds me of topics for the blog as I wog. Ha! Blog as I wog. In fact, He doesn't ever stop communicating His love and passion for me. "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." (Zeph 3:17)
In a moment we can be in His presence. In the time it takes me to say, "Jesus!" He is with me. Praise Him. And when I am suffering from writer's block He tells me, "Write about writer's block." He used my friend, Darlene's voice to say it to me, but it was from Him.
Love from the islands,
Twyla
P.S. Some of you have communicated that you cannot leave comments. I'm sorry. I'm new to this here high tech world of blogs. I think I fixed the problem. If you had problems in the past it may be fixed. I give no guarantees as I don't really know what I'm doing.
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