Day Three: Exactly One Year Ago Today

So, good news. I started my detox, healthy eating plan yesterday. For me that means eating lots more fruits, veggies, and protein and leaving out the sugary carbs like bread, tortillas and rice. The rice is the hardest part as we live in an Asian country. It's served with everything. I could actually write a whole blog about what I eat everyday, but that sounds kind of boring to me.

Instead I want to write about my "weight weakness." Surprised? Another weakness! Maybe this will be a weakness blog. Haha! Everyday I will write about one weakness or another. Hmmm...I'll need to think on that. ANYWAY, I have been overweight most of my life. There have been times here and there that I have worked out like crazy every day and eaten very little. I lose weight. Then I gain weight. It comes and it goes. I have yet to find a sustainable system for keeping it off. It has been a source of much angst and drama. I went through an entire season of guilt and hating myself. I have tried every diet (seriously, EVERY DIET known to man) and studied every food related Bible study I could get my hands on. I have single handedly given a life of luxury to the CEO of Thomas Nelson with all my purchases of diet/bible materials.

Those materials informed me that gluttony was a sin and that I was a sinner for overeating. They informed me that I could eat whatever I wanted, that all foods are good in God's sight. Just eat until you are satisfied, not stuffed and you will lose weight. They taught me that if you stay in God's Word and pray everyday you will have the strength to overcome. All of these are true. And yet... In my sinful nature I held onto things like, "You're a sinner, you glutton!" or my favorite, "Eat whatever you want, it's all good in God's sight." Haha! Notice I forgot about the until your satisfied not stuffed part. I would swing from legalism to freedom abuse. And the guilt mounted.

In my desperation, exactly one year ago today, I reached out to a ministry in our home fellowship in LA. It is a ministry of prayer. Their focus is on concentrated prayer for freedom. It was only prayer...only prayer...only talking to Jesus on my broken, desperate behalf. Prayer. Talking to Jesus. So simple and yet so wonderful.

Don't get me wrong. I had prayed a gazillion times before for freedom from my gluttony. It wasn't until that night, however, that Jesus began to open my eyes to how the evil one was turning truth into lies. The voice of criticism and disapproval I was listening to was not from Him. I was holding on to the condemnation so tightly that I couldn't hear the hope. He was not calling me, "Gutton!" He calls me, "Free!" Because He "calls things that are not as though they were." (Rom 4:17) Praise Him! You could also say, "He calls things that are (glutton) as though they were not (free)." Oh how I love Him. I am so thankful for the hope of truth.

Why were my eyes opened to the truth THAT night? I don't know. I know when two or more pray together Jesus promises He will be there with them. Corporate, biblical prayer is powerful.

Now, after a year of freedom am I skinny? Ha! No. But I am still free. I am free from being consumed with food. I am free from worrying about food. I am free from the hours of guilt ridden self-codemning prayer. What a waste of time. What I do have is the motivation to keep trying, to keep exercising and to start my detox eating plan.  I am so grateful to my Jesus.  He does transform us and make us more like him.

Love from the islands,
Twyla :)

P.S.  I love you guys!  Thanks for all the encouraging words.  Please let me know your thoughts as this will be an ever changing blog.