Day Twenty-Six: My Story

I've given you stories about each of my kids. I told you Louie's story of faith and I even told you of our romance. But I have yet to tell you my story. The story of how I was found by Jesus. I don't know why I've waited until almost the end of my thirty day commitment. Maybe it's because I began these posts with so many confessions. I wanted a break from self-humiliation. :) Not that chasing Jesus is humiliating. But there is a lot of confession involved in following Him and my flesh (that is my old nature-2 Cor 5:17) fights against humbling myself.

That is one of the reasons I confess in the first place. I fight my pride with confession. Confession reminds me that there is nothing I can do to save myself. Confession reminds me that I need Him everyday. Apart from Him I would be a desperate, hopeless woman. In Him I am His child. In Him I have joy. Confession leads me to the hope that comes only from Him.

Another reason I have waited to tell you my story is because it's not as exciting as Louie's story. It is just as glorious because the endings are the same. We are both rescued by Jesus. But Louie's story fits better in Hollywood. :) My story is kind of boring. Ha! Hang in there. Jesus saves me. It's the best part.

I came to Jesus when I was seven years old. At seven years old I didn't have much to confess, but I knew I needed Jesus. I knew that I sinned. I was overcome by my need to be saved from this world. I knew there was another world...another kingdom and I wanted to belong to Jesus' kingdom.  I was baptized. I loved Jesus so much and I learned much about Him growing up.

I began to live for myself in college. Living for yourself is such a dead-end life. I saw many friends destroy their lives during those years...or begin to destroy their lives. Some of them are still trying to put themselves back together after wrong choices in college. This is the time I also began the "boy crazy" years. There began to be some major character issues that needed to be cleaned up. Thank you Jesus, He is in the business of cleaning us up.

I've already told you the story of the boy crazy years, but I haven't told you about other things that Jesus kept bringing up in my life. After I moved to LA, Jesus convicted me of deceit. I kept reading verse after verse in Proverbs about lying (Prov 6:17, 12:19&22, 17:7, 21:6, 26:28). Jesus made it clear that I needed to stop all deceit in my life. Deceit had become so easy it was unnoticed. I would answer people by whatever answer would lead to the least conflict. Instead of answering truthfully, I would lie. For example, "You're not a religious person, are you?" I would answer, "No, of course not." That's the answer they wanted, so I would give it to them. Or I would lie by making up excuses for things I didn't want to do. For example, "I can't stay after school for that meeting, I have an appointment." That's lying. Another type of deceit I would regularly engage in would be exaggeration. I love telling stories and making people laugh. So if there was a way to make a story funnier I would exaggerate it.

Jesus began convicting me of these things. He lead me to 1 John 1:5-10:

This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. if we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in our lives.

I loved Jesus and walked with Jesus and I could not continue to act as though I did not sin. I must confess it. It was a startling realization. To get over this sin I must confess it to those I had sinned against...to those I had lied to. What? I don't want to do that, Jesus. I don't want people to know that I am a liar. Jesus answered, "You lie, Twyla, you are not a liar. Now confess it and get over it."

So, you guessed it. I began to confess my sins. I began to confess if I lied to people. It was so embarrassing! But it was also freeing. I would go right away to whomever I lied to and ask their forgiveness. It took almost an entire year to break out of the habit of lying and exaggerating.

People's reactions were interesting. Usually they were very gracious. A few times I received judgmental attitudes and looks, but most of the time people were gracious and kind. Occasionally I was asked about why I confessed and more than once people would confess right back to me that they struggled with the same thing.

This is why I am open about my weaknesses. I want to have fellowship with my Jesus. I want to walk in the light as He is in the light. I want to have fellowship with others that follow Him. When I hide my sin, I am in the darkness and I have no fellowship with Jesus or with others. As I continue on the Way in Jesus I have to confess now and again. And yes, it is difficult. But I have found that confessing leads to openness and trust. Those are the kinds of relationships I want in my life. That's what I want to teach my children.

Love from the islands,
Twyla