Day Nineteen: Overwhelmed

**Extra bonus points if you can count how many times I use the phrase, "freaked out."

This blog is getting out of my control. In the first two weeks of this crazy commitment I have been having fun sharing with you all from my heart. It has been cathartic to release my ideas to you in this format. However, everyday more and more of you are "tuning in" to my nonsensical ramblings and it's starting to freak me out. At first I imagined my sister reading my blog each day and I just wrote as if she and I were having coffee in her kitchen.

But blogger has this thing called "Stats." It's little bits of information and lots and lots of graphs. The graphs show me what countries you all live in, what posts you are reading and worst of all how many of you are paying attention to this experiment each day. This is the part that is making me nervous. It's not just my sister and me in her kitchen anymore. In fact, it's getting kind of crowded in here.

I find myself fluctuating between extreme pressure to perform and a desire to hide and not come out. You might be asking, "What did you expect? This is the internet for goodness sake!" Do you use phrases like "goodness sake?" Because in my imagination, you do. And yes, you're right. What WAS I thinking?

I wasn't thinking. I was just doing. I'm a shoot then aim kind of gal. I "do" first then think. I really relate to Peter in the gospels. I want to be like the mature Peter in Acts, but I'm more along the lines of the "speak before thinking" Peter of the gospels. Peter is famous for his spontaneous outbursts, isn't he?

And yet, Peter was the first to jump out of the boat and walk on water because he moved before thinking. His spontaneous outburst was to run to Jesus, even if Jesus was standing in the middle the sea. He believed and moved while others were thinking. He experienced the joy of seeing His Jesus AND walking on water! In fact, when he started thinking he started sinking. No, I'm not purposefully trying to sound like Dr. Suess.

This blog is my spontaneous outburst. I asked Jesus, "What do you want me to do or not do for thirty days? I'll give up coffee if you ask me to, Jesus." But Jesus didn't ask me to give up coffee (huge sigh of relief). He asked me to blog for thirty straight days...to write out my heart. Without thinking I jumped in with both feet. Not a graceful thought out dive, but an unattractive full blown cannon ball.

And now, here I am in the middle of this sea of blogs. And I am beginning to look at the storm...What am I doing?...Where is this going?...Why are all these people reading this?... I'm tempted to take my eyes off of my Jesus and look at the storm. I'm tempted to give up. Because the truth is...I don't KNOW where this is going.

But I know if I keep my eyes on Jesus, I don't have to worry. I want a different ending to my story. What if Peter would have kept his eyes on Jesus and kept walking with Him? Where would they have gone? What would Jesus have said to Peter? I want to find out. He draws me to move with Him. He calls me to risk with Him and He smiles at me the whole way.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." (Heb 12:1-2a)


You all are my cloud of witnesses. Ahhh! That really freaks me out. But I will throw off this doubt that is tangling me all up and I will run the race Jesus has marked out for me. I will fix my eyes on Him and not be moved. 


Will you walk with me on this adventure? I hope so. It freaks me out, but I really do like a crowded kitchen. The more the merrier, (insert squeaky voice) right?


Love from the islands,
Twyla